I Have Learned What is Most Important

I'm sixty years old.  Sometimes I feel every bit of that plus more........and other times I feel what I'm guessing normal may feel like.  Of course having had this disease for over 20 years now, I don't guess I really know what normal feels like.  Whatever.  But what I want to say is that PD (monster that it is)  has taught me different values - better ones.  Before, I depended upon the temporal parts of me.  Like my youthful appearance, my size 2 body, the gift of grace on a  horse - the way I looked and the way I carried myself.  I also developed character and tried to always be kind and generous among other things, but now that I don't have that young face and body, or those graces, I have had to realize that skin deep isn't good enough.  I want to be good and strong, honest and faithful, loyal and loving.........  What I cannot do physically any more, is a temptation to insecurity.  There are no approving glances or admiration at my physical skills.  Instead I am clumsy and slow.
But, do you know - this is why I have learned what is most important.  It takes courage to face the world with less than everybody else has.  When you step outside your secret world, it forces you to call up the strength you never thought you had.  It encourages you to be forgiving and patient with others, because you know you are taxing on people at times.  You learn to reject embarassment over meaningless things like inability to use a fork correctly, or hold a tea cup without trembling.  These problems force me to grow past the things that I will leave behind when I leave this earth.
I will never love PD.  But I am a different person than before.  I am a better, deeper person.  I am less interested in SELF and far more interested in you.  Life with PD has called forth my best efforts and taught me to notice the little things, because I can't do what I once thought were the big things.
I hope that one day, I will meet you..........  I wonder what you think of life with PD, or just plain life...........  And I want to say, that it takes grace - and lots of it - to move through life with a broken body.  I think you must be beautiful..........and one day I hope I will meet you.

Stars and Night Bloomers

Have you heard the saying that it gets darker just before the light comes?  Is this what the Bible teaches?  Can we be encouraged in the midst of deepening darkness and gloom?  We know that the Hebrew day starts at sunset, as light is fleeing.  The darkness goes on for hours until the sun comes up.

We know that this world that we live in, started in darkness - formless and void.  But God established light in the midst of the darkness.   

God has given us light even within the darkness - the moon and stars.  These are pinpoints of light by which we navigate.  By seeing the position of the stars in the night sky, we can gauge where we are and plot where we need to be and whether or not we are on course.
The darker the sky is, the brighter the stars seem to shine, and countless multitudes more can be seen.

The stars look tiny from our viewpoint on this earth.  But in reality they are huge.  Though we cannot see it, we know they move around.   

Your day - today - has started in the darkness of Parkinson's Disease.  Or perhaps it is the darkness of loneliness, financial ruin, a reputation that has been destroyed, a betrayel, a family torn apart, fear of the unknown, or even persecution.  You may experience a deepening of the darkness as your day proceeds.  But don't be alarmed.  You are not alone.  Neither are you without the stars that remind you of the goodness to come. 

You may be unaware of God's presence with you, Believer, but if you look, you will find stars in your particular darkness that God has placed there for your encouragement. He wants you to know that the dawn is coming.  The night is going to break into day for His children.  Your stars might be particular people in your life; certain medical advancements that bring you relief;  the blessing of children; access to the Word of God, or many many other things.  You fill in the blanks.

God can create a beautiful world for you from the darkness you now endure. 

Just as the stars in your life may not appear large, know that they are bigger and greater than you can see.  There is SO MUCH goodness that God works for you - the Believer - that only faith can see.  Without faith (the belief and resulting actions) in God you cannot take hold of the hope He offers.  

You can't have belief in what you can't see, you say? Oh yes you can and you do.  Can you know the true size of a star as you look from earth?  No, not with the naked eye.  But we have scientists who have shared knowledge with us about the stars so that we CAN know the truth. Can you see the end of night from your particular spot in life today?  No.  Not without faith in the God who created the stars above.   And that is what I am sharing with you today.  I am sharing with you the hope that God has shown me so that you too can see the truth. 

Like night flowers, you can bloom in the darkness of PD or whatever your challenge is.  The beauty and fragrance of these unique flowers are essential to the life of others, just as you are.  Bloom in your darkness today!  Spread the fragrant hope that you have in the Creator and Sustainer of all things.  For darkness heralds the coming of the light.

The Giver and the Good Gifts He Gives

There are many ways to express yourself.  In expressing myself, I share myself; I organize my thoughts about something well enough to write them or speak them.  Sometimes my expressions are wordless.  Sometimes I express a part of me by singing or doing artwork.  Each mode of expression gives "voice" to something that's going on inside of me. 

My favorite form of expression would be writing and doing artwork.  I believe that God has given me these gifts to whatever degree I may claim them as mine.  I believe that surely He has gifted me (I cannot take credit for ANY gift that He has given) for my own benefit in that it is -  I believe - very healing to engage in your giftings.

If you have Parkinson's Disease, or any other disorder, take a little while and ponder, "What are my giftings?"  Some of us have more gifts than others, but I believe that God has given everybody something.  If your disease makes it hard to engage your gifts, then get creative!  Ask God  to show you how to put the gifts He has given you to good use for both yourself and for others.  He will do it.  And remember, even if your body won't cooperate with you, think of things you CAN do.

I knew a woman who was wheelchair bound.  The last year of her life she was bed-ridden.  She was completely paralyzed.  She couldn't even cough to clear her lungs.  She was a psychologist by trade and continued to counsel people professionally well into her last few months.  She decided she wanted to write a book, but that was going to be difficult since she couldn't write and she couldn't talk due to a tracheotomy.  I volunteered to write down - word for word - what she wanted her book to say - as she mouthed her words.  A dear friend of hers helped also.  We both did the transcribing, and the book was finished before she went home to be with the Lord.

Find a way to use your gifts.  Don't neglect using them and don't say you don't have any.  Show the Giver of all good gifts your gratitude by giving what you can. 

Pills or Not........

How do you feel about having to take meds? Do you feel guilt and shame for not being able to function without them? Shouldn't we be able to "overcome" our problems and successfully meet our challenges without aids and crutches? Do you think, "I have prayed for a miracle - I've prayed for healing and relief, but my dependence on these meds only increases as time goes by."? Well that's what I used to think. But I have come to realize that my meds are actually the answer to my prayers. Dependence is not the issue, because every day we are dependent upon Him for life and necessities and happiness. We just don't want to rely on those pills. Obviously, if the only way you can move is by taking your meds, then He is saying no to healing without them at this time. Miraculous healing may indeed come at a later time, but He has His reasons for saying no right now. And I think sometimes we must be worked on in time to become worthy of the good gifts He wants to give us. If you were suddenly and completely healed today, would you spend as much time with Him, or be as interested in obeying Him, or would your life be the witness that it is to the sufficiency of His grace? God is not mean and He does not withold good things from His children, but He also does not give His gifts indiscrimently and without preparation. Wouldn't that be like giving a child a loaded gun? The world desperatly needs to see living examples of real people living through the toughest storms that may come. God loves all people so much that He is willing to let you suffer (like His Son) so that others might be saved. Our distress is momentary compared to the glories He has lovingly prepared for all who will come to Him.

Autobiography - Two

In the beginning it all seemed somewhat distant and disconnected from me. I took the news calmly, and continued my hectic pace in a busy world. My symptoms were held in check with medication. Believing that God is a God who is not the author of evil, but who does bring beauty from the ashes. I began to say, "This is for the glory of God."

I prayed regularly that God would heal me. I recall one morning I got up early, made a fire, and curled up in a big wing-back chair facing the hearth. I began my quiet time with prayer, asking God to heal me, as I so often did. Then I openned my Bible so that I could begin my daily devotion where I had left off the day before. I read, "This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God may be glorified by it." (John 11:4)

God had spoken to me! I now had the sure hope that God's eye was on me and that He would not leave me sick and broken. I also knew that I must be patient in waiting for Him to heal me.

Autobiography - One

Today I thought I would begin to share my story with you in small increments, so let's stop time for a bit and travel backwards. I was thirty-something (I am now 58), and married with four children, living in Texas.

My life being about my family, it was easy not to think of myself or my problems, but it became obvious there was something wrong with me. At first, the slight inconvenience of a body that sometimes and in small ways did not behave as it should, was troublesome, but could quickly be packed up into a thought that I stored at the back of my mind. It was easy to ignore.

The first thing I noticed was a slight clumsiness in my left hand. Also, when I walked, my arm wasn't swinging as it should have. Clapping my hands was an effort. Before long my right hand began to feel clumsy as well. They were small things really that I couldn't do...like picking up a coin, or buttoning my shirt; but things neverless that I should have been able to do without difficulty.

So, I started going to doctors to find out what was wrong. They tested for MS, for copper in my eyes, for pinched nerves in my neck and other things. For a year and a half, no one could diagnose my problem.

Finally, I was sent to a noted neurologist at Columbia University in New York city and I was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease. I took this news in quietly but it all seemed unreal to me. I had always been healthy, strong and physically fit. Now all of that was to change..............