It Is the Potter's Choice

It is the Potter's Choice

3-23-15

Anna Knoedl

“But who are you, a human being, to talk back to God? Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?'" Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for special purposes and some for common use?” Romans 9:20-21

With Parkinson's Disease, there are some days that are better than others. These days, I don't have the strength I did a few years ago – or even a year ago. It's not just that. My speech is slow and sometimes I don't breathe properly when speaking. I sound clumsy and hesitant, as if I am confused (which I am not). Sometimes people ask if I'm OK, and when I say yes, they politely look away as if they believed me. It's hard dealing with a body which doesn't act right. There is a list of things that at one time I did well – things that I no longer can do. Perhaps the most distressing thing is that I am not as sharp of mind as I used to be. I have talked to God a lot about this, shrinking from the humiliation of feeblemindedness. The best way of dealing with it is to face it head on, without complaining and be grateful for all that I do have.

“You turn things around! Shall the potter be considered as equal with the clay, That what is made would say to its maker, "He did not make me"; Or what is formed say to him who formed it, "He has no understanding ?” Isaiah 29:16

**

I am cut to the quick when I read this. Earth's brief period of temporal favor – temporary blessings – are meaningless and though once enjoyed, have been spent and no longer have even momentary value. These “blessings” are but a memory. Trying to hold onto them is rather like an old woman trying to look young. It is futile and heartbreaking to have pride in what I once could do, or to be proud of how I once looked. I used to feel capable of almost anything, but the “list” narrows it down a lot.

Strong and quick of mind, I never doubted my abilities. My voice did not waver or fade away in the middle of a sentence, nor was the sight of me unpleasant and there was no stiffness or muscles pulling the wrong way, making my body crooked. my gate once graceful, now can be labored and without rhythm – out of time and beat; I feel I am ugly............ heard only by those who see beyond all the clutter of once pleasant attributes that make the truth attractive. Like an unfaithful friend, these are all gone – the list of things I cannot do.- they are like a vapor this image I thought was me. Like an abandoned wife, I feel like I am worthless and ill suited for any worldly cause at all. My pride is still clinging to the old garments of self. I have found myself cradling yesterday's rotten clothes desperate to be that ghost.

“The Lord said: Israel, you have no right to argue with your Creator. You are merely a clay pot shaped by a potter. The clay doesn’t ask, “Why did you make me this way? Where are the handles?” Isaiah 45:9

Even time is fleeting. To what end? Once spent, forever gone and even memories fade

If this is all there is, then I am with nothing. Give me something to replace the longing I feel for Egypt.

Creator – Maker – Help me!!!! I am missing Egypt. and feeling sorry for myself. How do I yield to Your right to do with me what You will? How do I surrender completely to You, being willing to lose all things for Your sake? Paul got there. He said, “ But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ,and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith,… “ Philippians 3:8

Diving into the deep end of the pool of water that You are, it is at first bitter. I know that eventually it will sweeten. But there is no “half in and half out”. I can see clearly that though it feels all wrong and perhaps even hopeless, this is the way that matters. I choose to plunge my whole self into the cold icy truth. I am what You have made me – I have what You have given me – I agree to dream only those dreams that You allow; I give up my own ideas wholeheartedly, holding back nothing, knowing that the only place for me – the only life that I can have is what You choose; what pleases You. I know that You are in authority over me. At my invitation, You will break away what resists. You will decide if I glorify Your name in power or weakness, beautiful or practical, graceful or not, healthy or sick..........You are the potter and I am the clay. With Your hands, You will work truth and beauty into my substance – kneed it til it's ready. Then another process begins. Until I am done. On this earth there will be the burning away of what is impure, useless or unyielding, and I choose not to fight this. It is a daily decision to die to what I wish and what I want. In the end, You are really all that I could want. You are what I need.

“But who are you, a human being, to talk back to God? Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?'" Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for special purposes and some for common use?” Romans 9:20-21

I am cut to the quick when I read this. Earth's brief period of temporal favor – temporary blessings – are meaningless and though once enjoyed, have been spent and no longer have even momentary value. These “blessings” are but a memory. Trying to hold onto them is rather like an old woman trying to look young. It is futile and heartbreaking to have pride in what I once could do, or to be proud of how I once looked. I used to feel capable of almost anything, but this “list” narrows it down a lot.

Strong and quick of mind, I never doubted my abilities. My voice did not waver or fade away in the middle of a sentence, nor was the sight of me unpleasant and there was no stiffness or any muscles pulling the wrong way, making my body crooked. my gate once graceful, now can be labored and without rhythm – out of time and beat; I feel I am ugly............ heard only by those who see beyond all the clutter of once pleasant attributes that make the truth attractive. Like an unfaithful friend, these are all gone – the list of things I cannot do.- they are like a vapor this image I thought was me. Like an abandoned wife, I feel like I am worthless and ill suited for any worldly cause at all. My pride is still clinging to the old garments of self. I have found myself cradling yesterday's rotten clothes desperate to be that ghost.

“The Lord said: Israel, you have no right to argue with your Creator. You are merely a clay pot shaped by a potter. The clay doesn’t ask, “Why did you make me this way? Where are the handles?” Isaiah 45:9

Even time is fleeting. To what end? Once spent, forever gone and even memories fade

If this is all there is, then I am with nothing. Give me something to replace the longing I feel for Egypt.

Creator – Maker – Help me!!!! I am missing Egypt. and feeling sorry for myself. How do I yield to Your right to do with me what You will? How do I surrender completely to You, being willing to lose all things for Your sake? Paul got there. He said, “ But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ,and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith,… “ Philippians 3:8

Diving into the deep end of the pool of water that You are, it is at first bitter. I know that eventually it will sweeten. But there is no “half in and half out”. I can see clearly that though it feels all wrong and perhaps even hopeless, this is the way that matters. I choose to plunge my whole self into the cold icy truth. I am what You have made me – I have what You have given me – I agree to dream only those dreams that You allow; I give up my own ideas wholeheartedly, holding back nothing, knowing that the only place for me – the only life that I can have is what You choose; what pleases You. I know that You are in authority over me. At my invitation, You will break away what resists. You will decide if I glorify Your name in power or weakness, beautiful or practical, graceful or not, healthy or sick..........You are the potter and I am the clay. With Your hands, You will work truth and beauty into my substance – kneed it til it's ready. Then another process begins. Until I am done. On this earth there will be the burning away of what is impure, useless or unyielding, and I choose not to fight this. It is a daily decision to die to what I wish and what I want. In the end, You are really all that I could want. You are what I need.

O, Sleeper, Wake Up!

My hands and arms are tingling and feeling numb. They are going to sleep. As I was thinking on this, I couldn't help but think about my spiritual body. And as a member of a larger spiritual body – the Church – there is a lesson in here for all of us.

We are in perilous times. It is not a time we would want to be found falling asleep on the job. If any one of us – as a member of Christ's body – is asleep, then we must know that this will cause pain and discomfort for the other members. By falling asleep, I can most certainly open the way for the enemy to come in and attack - to wound -up close. As a Body, our work will be of a poor quality, because some of us are asleep! Some of us can be wounded when other members are asleep. It is being a slacker . It is not believing the signs that God has told us to watch for. He doesn't want anyone to be surprised by the fierce and deadly attacks of the devil and his hordes upon Believers. He gives us many warnings in Scripture. But if anyone is not reading and studying God's Word, he is sleeping.

What does it mean to fall asleep spiritually? It means that when I am supposed to be on the lookout for danger and being prepared for whatever may come so that I can warn encourage and equip other members, I am asleep.

Wake up, Sleeper! The signs of the times are appearing on the horizon and rushing past us as never before. We don't know exactly when we will pass by the markers that are events we are told are coming, but we KNOW they are COMING and where once they were as a tiny dot on an uncluttered horizon, they are upon us now as giants on an anthill. Wake up, Sleeper! Do your job!

It is only in God's strength that we overcome. And when (not if) we see storm clouds approaching, but do not warn, then the resulting breach in the wall is on our heads. God will not be mocked. His judgement is coming and He will not be lenient upon our enemy who seeks to maim, kill and destroy, or the sins that sent Jesus to the cross. Don't think that any sin is so small that it does not need to be confessed and repented of. Don't sleep while there is still time to get out of bed, and be about the business of the Lord.

This is an uncomfortable message, but if you are reading it, it is meant for you – today. It is no accident that His message has come to me – today – and I have brought it to you. Ask God for help where you need it. Call on His name for help. Clean things up and leave no spot or wrinkle unattended to. He is a loving God, and His mercies are new each and every day. O, Sleeper, wake up!

Worship

Worship is setting aside time..........chores...........things...........and other people so I can lift God up to His rightful place in my life. It's so I can give back to Him the love I have received. Last week – all week – I was more aware of being a pilgrim in this foreign world. I consistently chose God over the TV, the phone, the computer and even house work. I deliberately kept my eyes on Him. I let my imagination kick in as well. Reading the Bible not only renews my mind. It stimulates my thought processes. I don't mean to sound so dry and matter-of-fact, but the really fun stuff comes AFTER the foundation work of good choices.

When I decide I want to start my day with Jesus – there I am, in my mind – pulling the other rocking chair up close so He'll be near.

Throughout the day, I choose to bring my Lord and Savior up close. I remember to admire Him and ponder His ways. Much of our time together is in silence, and I am learning the timber and tone of His voice - it is different from anyone else's. O, and we laugh together – sometimes uproarously, holding our sides. I've learned to expect small tokens of His love all day. And I've learned to give Him the same. Sometimes my gifts are like a child's drawing - simple and colored occassionally out of the lines.

Strangely enough though, it's the scaryness of this unsteady world, the mean people, the disappointments and the pain that pulls me in closest to Him.

With every choice inside of a day, I grow one way or the other - into Him or away from Him. This week I chose to make more of every day just worship, and I found comfort when He was near. When He is the center of my world, and I am not – all's well.

A Parable Just in Time for the Holidays

A Story of Memories and Today
Just in Time for the Holidays




To no one in particular, I voiced this dirge – this melancholy refrain which burdened my heart and relentlessly tore at my soul:


“If there is any Good – any Love – or strength in Truth, come into my heart this morning. Fill me and wipe away all of the empty echoes of the past - where voices of children rang out, when we were all under one roof, when I was strong, and I knew which path to take - when I could fix what hurt, and a simple hug and kiss made it all better............ Come!”, I appealed to the sky above. “Come into my heart this morning. I am too tired to hope they will all come home - that there will be a day when all sadness has faded, and when mistakes are past - when wrongs are undone......... The scars seem as bad as fresh wounds. Hope is dim, and I have grown feeble. Will they ever come home? Some of the mistakes are mine, and some of the blame is mine, though I never meant for it to be so. From a broken woman worn out and consumed by what I cannot erase - I used to be sure that all would work out, that good would prevail, and that no one would be lost............ But here I am, calling them home, with no answer.......... I hear my own voice calling out for the children who are gone........... It seems so bitter now........... Even if they find their way, even if they WANTED to come home, how will the years that are gone, be made up for?


Is there such a thing as a second chance – or a third or fourth? I watched the chickens that were oblivious to my troubles, scratching around in their pen. I loved these birds that did not see beyond the worm just swallowed, or past the brief skirmish which revealed the pecking order. I gave them names. I had watched them hatch from their eggs and fight for freedom from the once safe shell that was a barrier to the world around. When the time came – somehow they knew when to engage in the struggle that was necessary for life. I knew I could not help in this process of birth. It had to be the chick who itself cracked the shell that bound them and broke away from the old to enter the new.


All they would ever know was the coop within the yard where they would spend their lives, enjoying the safety I had provided them. Brief battles between hens and one rooster.............. and he crowing his pride in all that was his.


I have always known that children are like chickens; living out the moment, not concerned with tomorrow. They enjoy the love of the mother hen who calls to her chicks when the shadow of the hawk overhead foretells something dreadful. They obediently run to her, snuggling in close beneath her wings until the danger has passed. The top hen calls out her victories over the lesser hens, and so their battles go.....


I am not a chicken, and my children are not chicks. And they are no longer within range of my voice. But old habits die hard. Forever linked with my kids, I sometimes sense danger and do sound the alarm even from a distance.


The yard is provided by me, as is the chicken coop. Their food is provided by me, and I oversee the relationships between them making sure there is harmony within.


As I am pondering all of this, I begin to imagine that I am perhaps more like a chicken than I think. Although my life has been painful at times and not at all easy, it has been a home for me. I have been protected from some things evil – much that is evil. And there have also been good things – uneventful things.


Twenty two years ago, I began to peck at my shell. Somehow I knew to hope for a better life – that it was time to leave one and enter another. I have broken down impossible walls and pierced through hard places so that I have glimpses of Goodness, Truth and Love.


My shell is Parkinson's Disease. In my battle against it, I must wage my war alone. I find my strength as I battle. I grow and get closer and closer to leaving the pieces and remnants of this shell behind. I know that on the other side of this broken shell, there is Love, Goodness and Truth. But in all honesty, I must admit that when the shell was whole, it too was good. Though I would not have chosen it, there was safety and room to grow – protection from what I was not ready to face.


PD has marked out the boundary lines around me and kept me within certain perameters, for reasons I do not know. But I don't have to know. Goodness, Love and Truth have protected me, and helped to shape me. My shell would not have suited you, nor yours mine. If you look and are willing to see, you will come to the same conclusion. That you are not alone, and you do have what you need to become who you were born to be. When it is the right time, you will break through the last and final piece of eggshell. Grow now where you have been planted. Don't struggle using up all your strength for battles that do not need to be fought. Trust the owner of the chicken coop! He is God, and He is Love. He does not give you an easy birth, but one that will take you from Hope to Love............

We Need a Saviour

People with PD need a Saviour (a Great Physician) !  We are broken and cannot fix ourselves.  We have tried diet, excercise, positive thinking, physical therapy, medicine and surgery, but we still have this affliction.  And it progresses.   This is also our  spiritual condition.  We are sinners.  Even if we figure our sins are minimal and we are not as bad as some others - the truth remains:  We are sinners.  Even if we lived a sinless life from our first moment of birth we would still be sinners in need of a Saviour.  Why?  Because every human being has a sin nature that we are born with.  We are tainted from the beginning.  It is just as impossible to get rid of sin and it's effects, as it would be to heal myself of PD.  We are utterly powerless.
As Believers, we have allowed Jesus Christ to pay for all our sin and then to cleanse us from every particle of it in our lives.
I have had a transforming and life-giving surgery that has gotten rid of many symptoms of this disease. This was arranged by God.  I have been "saved".  Spiritually speaking Jesus Christ has come as the Great Physician into my life and saved me from certain spiritual death.  Some people (many in fact) refuse this wonderful gift, (spiritually speaking) and stubbornly continue to refuse help as they weaken and lose their abilities.  That would be like me telling the neuro-surgeon:  thanks for your offer of a better life, but frankly I'm going to decline your offer to help me - to make life wonderful.  I'd rather die.
As Believers, we have accepted the Saviour's beautiful gift.  We could not have earned what it took to pay for all the sin in our lives, but He opened the Book of Accounts, and marked in the space beside my name - PAID IN FULL
DEBT CANCELED
PAID BY THE SAVIOUR
 Thank You, heavenly Father, for Your priceless gift!

Shepherd King Part 9

The Shepherd King

Part 9

Hours later, aware that I was not alone, - I saw it, - but I wasn't sure if it saw me. The moon was full and cast deep shadows that were in stark contrast to to the bright light surrounding them. Into my line of vision came a creature like a wolf, that was jet black and shaggy with tangled fur and red eyes, as tall as a large pony. Upon its back sat a creature – I don't know what. It's teeth were long and sharp. It had a stench that reached my nostrils almost before I saw it.

Then in an instant I knew that it was aware of me. With eyes narrowing to slits, it threw back it's head and screamed a blood curdling warning to its companions who couldn't have been far behind it. Its steed was pulling at the reins, eager to pounce and the creature pulled out a sword and pointed it in my direction. I could hear the galloping monsters behind it nearing my line of vision. The first one began speaking evil words that though I did not understand them, made chills run up and down my spine. The words had harsh sounds and the voice that delivered them seemed to come from the depths of its cold heart.

I waited until it seemed the last one had rounded the bend, and I could wait no longer...... I called to the scorpions, commanding them to attack and kill these evil beings. They appeared to glide out from under the rocks in endless waves, covering all, stinging until there was no life left in those frightful bodies.

I was nearing Parkinson's Disease and the closer I got to it, the worse my wounds became. The town itself was set in a valley where bare rock could be seen, and shallow depressions of dirt were scattered at random as far as one could see. Only the spindly weeds were able to scratch out a life and draw some form of nourishment from the otherwise barren place.

An old woman approached me, with head down and bent over. Her voice was weak, so I had to strain to listen to what she said.

“You must be the new person. We have been expecting you.” Pointing to a dilapidated old shack (not unlike the other houses in the vicinity)she began shuffling towards it. This is where you will stay.” There was no mention of a departure time, and my heart sank as I drew nearer to it. I couldn't help but think of the differences between this scrappy lean-to and the wonderful safe houses where help had come to me in the past.

“Your assignment is to pray. All distractions have been taken away from you so that you can devote all of your time to prayer.”

“What will I pray about?” I asked.

“You will pray for our people (others who also pray) and you will pray them through hard places and to be protected from the dark ones. The Shepherd King will tell you as you go........”.

She turned and made her way to a large house where others were also going. She motioned for me to follow. When I entered this house, I saw that they were praying with one accord – one mind – one heart. I joined in with them, and so the days went. I also prayed much by myself. At last the day came when I could not even carry my backpack or walk without assistance. I cried out to the Shepherd King unceasingly. I wanted Him to heal me, and I knew that He could......... But I had never seen a person healed, so there was much turmoil within me. My heart was so sad......... I no longer knew

the joy of movement. I felt I was nearing death. I had served my time in the forces of the Shepherd King. On the last stretch of this journey, I wept tears of sadness, of loss of hope..........

One day during my quiet time of prayer, suddenly I heard a man's voice – a wonderful voice. Full of compassion and care, He lifted me in His arms. He was so strong. Together – in His strength – we crossed the threshold of the door leading outside, and He found a tree where He could prop me up. He knelt down before me, and swept my hair back from my face. He looked deeply into my eyes. There was wisdom and love on His face and even in His hands. Who WAS this man?

“Do you know who I am?” He asked. I confessed that I did not, though He seemed strangely familiar – as if I had known Him a long time. I am He who protected you from the fiery arrows in enemy attacks . I am the Healer of your wounds, and I carried you when you could not walk. I rescued you from the tangle of thorns. I am He of many names and I have billions of Messengers – some of whom have I sent to your aid. I am the Defeater of Demons, and the Scorpions and Snakes obey me. I am the author of the Book of Life and I have helped you to understand the wisdom contained within its pages. I sent my servants to share their food with you. I am the One with authority over giants and the one who shielded you from their attack. I am the lowly Shepherd King

who rules.  I am also the Giver of Gifts, and I have one for you.

It is many moons since then. But I remember it very well. It was not the kind of gift you can put in a box and wrap. It wasn't exactly the kind of gift that could be seen – at least not directly. There were no bright colors with shine-y paper foils, and no bows. It was spectacular all the same. It was wondrous yet has been passed over by men who could not see it's worth – men who did not dream – whose thoughts went no further than their eyes could see. Hidden treasure it was – pure gold – so pure – transparent like a bottomless crystal...... It was all new to me– never before imagined, yet it is older than the stars. Fluid - like sparkling water – definable yet eternal. It was not to be found in the window of a store or on someone's wish list. No one had ever dreamed how huge this tiny gift would be – how it would bring healing and guidance; how it would open eyes and ears.

Older than the stars, but new to me, He gave me a Word...........a new Word, that only I know). He has called me into a place of partial healing for now; and one day it will be complete. I wait with a holy anticipation. The Shepherd King has given me His Word that these things are true.

My Shepherd King has been here with me all the time . And, lo He always will be there.

The Shepherd King Part 8

The Shepherd King

Part 8

More and more of the time, I was depressed. My wounds had not healed and every movement had become an effort, draining my energy. I found a spot to rest on the road I traveled and sat with my little book to read of the wonderful things to come........ I read of miracles of healing and how the Shepherd King's mighty warriors crushed His evil enemies. I read of the things He believed in – how He stood for truth and how He loved His own. He would even fight for His people. I dreamnt of becoming a great warrior in His ranks. It gave me hope that I too would one day be healed and have the joy of effortless movement, of no pain and I would not be able to contain my joy! But for now it made me sad in some ways because the Shepherd King had not come yet.....not to me.

Were the Shepherd King's promises really for me? Does the Shepherd King still do miracles today? I was thinking on the wonderful words in His book, and totally absorbed in my thoughts: “O, Shepherd King, that You would rend the heavens when You hear our cries! That You would come down from Your wonderful palace and heal us! That the mountains might shake at Your longed-for presence – and as fire burns brushwood; like fire that causes water to boil – come and heal us! May the fire of Your love heal us. And then Your name will be known to all Your adversaries (like to the town of Parkinson's Disease) – that hell hole of a town - so they would be moved at Your presence!”

As if in answer to my thoughts, The ground began to rumble. Rocks started falling and trees fell over. If this could be put into words, I think it would be the Shepherd King's reply. I think He was saying that indeed He would one day come for me. And that He had never left me alone – though I couldn't see Him – and I was not to worry because He never would. And lastly, He seemed to say that I had a part in defeating the darkness, though I could not see it. I had purpose, and I was very precious to Him.

All was quiet – for a moment …. And then, I saw that when the rocks moved, it had disturbed a nest of scorpions. They were very large and very deadly. I could not move fast enough to get to a safe spot, and so they began to advance towards me with their tails curled up, ready to sting.

I could open my book though and my eye fell on this line: “I – the Shepherd King – have given you authority to tread on scorpions and snakes. You will command them, and they will obey.” Without thinking I held up my hand and said, “Stop!” They came to a stop! Then I commanded them to lie in wait for the wolves that had been tracking me, and to KILL THEM.

Night was coming on. With my back up against a wall, and a clear view of the path I had just come from, I waited.................... 

The Shepherd King Part 6

The Shepherd King

Part 6

I set up camp in a clearing, so tired, and ready to rest. My ankle was pounding, but at least I was able to walk..........Dave had found a piece of wood – a stick – that served as a walking stick and he carved a hand hold in it. He left it with me.

He had cautioned me to be on the look out, as he had heard rumors of raiding bands that were from the town of Parkinson's Disease. I did try to stay awake, but the warm and comforting fire in front of me seemed to have a hypnotic effect as I stared into the flames that danced up and down with colors of white hot, glowing orange and cooler blue.

I don't know how long I had been asleep, but I dreamnt that goblins crept into my campsite, sniffing everything – picking up the few crumbs of dried bread that had been in my backpack. They crept around me first touching me with a toe, then prodding me with sticks. Soon they were viciously kicking me. Then the attack ended as suddenly as it had started, and they were gone.

Trembling, I lapsed into a dark and dreamless sleep, and awoke with questions..........Questions like, “How will it be possible to make it through this journey? It will be a miracle if it doesn't all kill me.” I was so lonely and though help had come at various times, I was alone at this moment. My heart cried out to the Shepherd King. “If You are with me, and if You care, help me! I am no match for my enemies. I don't even know how to fight them. I don't know anyone who has been this way and could offer me advice........... So, my Lord, help me to trust You, and open my ears up to You. I need to hear your voice. I have tried everything else...........but I am realizing that this is a journey I must take alone. Only You can be my companion. But most of the time, I can't see You and have no evidence of Your presence with me. I have no choice but to trust in You – that You mean what You say and Your promises are good. Please heal me, Lord. I have no way of knowing whether or not you will, but either way, help me to be brave, have courage and be able to believe in You in the face of everything that would seem to indicate that You are a lie. Help me to bear it all.”

A warm feeling and a calm with the absence of fear settled over me in answer to be cries.

I moved on and on with difficulty. Instead of my wounds healing, it was becoming more and more draining to walk and my progress was so impeded that I could not travel the way I used to. I was learning to be satisfied with smaller and smaller things......... I began really learning that it is not getting the job done – whatever it may be, but learning patience while trying to get there.   

Little Christs

Where did we get the idea that we shouldn't have to suffer?    We get upset with God when we ask Him to take us out of a painful situation, but He doesn't.  We can see no good coming from having to suffer. 
If you are suffering, and have asked for God to heal or deliver you - but He doesn't, don't find it strange.  The Bible tells us that Jesus learned obedience through the things that He suffered  (Hebrews 5:8 - "Although He was a son, He learned obedience through the things which He suffered.") ("He had to be made like His brethren in all things so that He might become a merciful and faithful high priest....  For since He Himself was tempted in that which He has suffered, He is able to come to the aid of those who are tempted." ).   In order to intercede for us, and be able to comfort us, He had to suffer the same things we suffer.  And this is what we also do on this earth.  We are to be "little Christs" (the Greek word for Christian means little Christ),   ( Hebrews 2:17, 18; "He has made us to be a kingdom, priests to His God and Father"   Rev. 1:6);   If we can't relate to suffering of all kinds, then we cannot do what God tells us:  "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord, Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."   2 Cor. 1:2-4.  While we are here in this world, we are to represent God to all people and our lives should be a testament of who He is.  We cannot do that unless people see us go through painful things and still have faith in Him, still loving Him. 
You will suffer in this world as a Believer, or a non-Believer.  But there is purpose in the Believer's suffering. 

The Sun is Behind a Cloud?

I'm seated at the breakfast table in front of the windows with a view of my backyard this morning. It's cloudy. The sun is not "out".
I was thinking, how the paths we often take will lead us into places where the sun does not shine; into valleys where everything is filled with shadows - the potential hiding places of enemies.
We are sometimes fearful and anxious as the possibilities of failure and perhaps even death looms before our eyes.
But when things get like THIS - we must remembeer: God is ALWAYS there. Just because there are clouds that hide the warmth and the light of day that God is, it does not mean God's Presence has also flown. He is STILL THERE! We MUST learn that sight and feeling are not FAITH. They are tests which reveal how much faith we DO have. Take your tests today and flex your faith muscles. They will grow.
When the apostle Peter failed to believe in the moment that mattered most - and he denied the Lord Jesus - here is what Jesus said: "Simon, Simon, behold Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat: But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not; and when thou are converted (when you have repented) strengthen thy brethren." Luke 22:31-32

All of the Parts Make up the Whole

A body with broken parts is not efficient if it works at all.  It is made up of many different parts, all of which have specific function.  Every part is needed.  Where there are malfunctioning or missing parts, you have a body that is broken down.

Those of us with PD know this all too well.  It's true in the physical world as well as the spiritual world. 

We struggle sometimes to walk, or clap, or even talk to name a few.  As we attempt to do with our bodies things that we used to do gracefully and without effort,  we find that movement is slow, painful and labored - sometimes impossible.  If all the parts aren't working - nothing is the same.

Someone just yesterday compared a broken down body to the Body of Christ.  Within the Body of Christ - the Church - we all have a function.  You could say that we have work to do.  But if for some reason, we don't function as we are intended, then the whole body suffers.  In the body when the dopamine producing neurons begin dying off, what is set into motion, is something like a bunch of dominoes toppling one after another, leaving us struggling or unable to perform the task at hand.

How do we as members of the body of Christ keep in good working order?  Read God's Word.  Believe God's Word.  Act on God's Word.  And heap lots of prayer onto everything (pray without ceasing).  When we don't submit ourselves to His authority and walk with Him, not quenching the Spirit, we are rather like one who has spiritual PD. Today, I am depending on you to do God's will within the Body of Christ.  You are depending on me.  May we not sin against each other by not doing our individual parts!  I want to live as God intended, and I'm sure that you do too!  


 

2 Choices

All of us have 2 choices when we need the strength or wherewithall to do something.  We can choose to draw on our physical strength that is in our body or ask God to empower us with His power to get the job done. 
Well, those of us who have PD know just how frustrating it is to not have the physical strength to do what we want to do.  We know what we want to do, but strength is lacking.  A simple task, like writing a letter, or going to the bathroom may be altogether overwhelming because we cannot manage without help.  So we learn to accept the help of others and we are grateful.
I think learning how to do that is a huge thing.  It is what a life of faith in God calls for:  In a Believer's life, he knows what he needs to do and how he needs to live, but is totally unable to do this in his own strength.  The Believer learns to plug into God, and carry out His will through His power.  We do the things He wants, in the way that He wants it, when He wants it.
Doesn't that sound familiar?  With PD one learns to circumvent our own power, which was limited to begin with, and engage God's power which is the very same power that raised Jesus from the dead!  In our inability to get things done, we learn to wait on God and listen to Him.  We learn that our own way is not always best.  We learn how to handle the answer to our prayers when it is NO.  So, you see, those of us with PD have a head start when it comes to living for God.  Once again, I say that PD is a very good teacher, though it 's unappreciated in the present. 
Take advantage of the valuable lessons you have learned in your disability.  Don 't let this experience go to waste.  "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you."   James 4:8

Snakes

Last week, I was visiting a friend when suddenly and without warning a snake was discovered in the garage.  And it was a big snake.  And it had a triangular head, which if you know anything about snakes, identifies it as poisonous.  Turns out it was a water mocassin or what is commonly called a Cottonmouth.  You don't want to mess with these!
I got to thinking about the sudden and unexpected arrival of danger.  Isn't that what it's like with our spiritual enemy, Satan?  We must be on guard against evil lest we be caught unawares.  We need to be wearing our spiritual armor all the time.  If we wait til danger is upon us, we won't have time to put it on.
Like a snake, the devil quietly approaches, hidden from most eyes until he is upon us.  We may be completely unaware of the peril we are in.  Then suddenly our eyes are openned and we know we are in trouble. 
What happened next, at my friend's house was this:  She got help.  She called on her neighbors and together they killed it. 
As members of the Body of Christ we are to be here for each other, ready to bear the burdens of our brothers and sisters.  We should give and receive comfort, encouragement, instruction, love, help, and the truth in love to name a few.
As a person with PD, you may think you have nothing to offer anyone else, but that would be the kind of lie the Snake would want you to believe.  You can offer all the things I just listed and more.  We don't always understand why God allows certain things to happen and probably never will (this side of heaven), but you don't have to.  There are needs around you today that can be met by you, no matter how physically disabled you are.  You are important.  You have things to offer that no one else can offer in quite the same way.  Ask your heavenly Father to help you concentrate on the people around you, and not yourself.  And as you help others around you, your heavenly Father will be of help to YOU!

Stars and Night Bloomers

Have you heard the saying that it gets darker just before the light comes?  Is this what the Bible teaches?  Can we be encouraged in the midst of deepening darkness and gloom?  We know that the Hebrew day starts at sunset, as light is fleeing.  The darkness goes on for hours until the sun comes up.

We know that this world that we live in, started in darkness - formless and void.  But God established light in the midst of the darkness.   

God has given us light even within the darkness - the moon and stars.  These are pinpoints of light by which we navigate.  By seeing the position of the stars in the night sky, we can gauge where we are and plot where we need to be and whether or not we are on course.
The darker the sky is, the brighter the stars seem to shine, and countless multitudes more can be seen.

The stars look tiny from our viewpoint on this earth.  But in reality they are huge.  Though we cannot see it, we know they move around.   

Your day - today - has started in the darkness of Parkinson's Disease.  Or perhaps it is the darkness of loneliness, financial ruin, a reputation that has been destroyed, a betrayel, a family torn apart, fear of the unknown, or even persecution.  You may experience a deepening of the darkness as your day proceeds.  But don't be alarmed.  You are not alone.  Neither are you without the stars that remind you of the goodness to come. 

You may be unaware of God's presence with you, Believer, but if you look, you will find stars in your particular darkness that God has placed there for your encouragement. He wants you to know that the dawn is coming.  The night is going to break into day for His children.  Your stars might be particular people in your life; certain medical advancements that bring you relief;  the blessing of children; access to the Word of God, or many many other things.  You fill in the blanks.

God can create a beautiful world for you from the darkness you now endure. 

Just as the stars in your life may not appear large, know that they are bigger and greater than you can see.  There is SO MUCH goodness that God works for you - the Believer - that only faith can see.  Without faith (the belief and resulting actions) in God you cannot take hold of the hope He offers.  

You can't have belief in what you can't see, you say? Oh yes you can and you do.  Can you know the true size of a star as you look from earth?  No, not with the naked eye.  But we have scientists who have shared knowledge with us about the stars so that we CAN know the truth. Can you see the end of night from your particular spot in life today?  No.  Not without faith in the God who created the stars above.   And that is what I am sharing with you today.  I am sharing with you the hope that God has shown me so that you too can see the truth. 

Like night flowers, you can bloom in the darkness of PD or whatever your challenge is.  The beauty and fragrance of these unique flowers are essential to the life of others, just as you are.  Bloom in your darkness today!  Spread the fragrant hope that you have in the Creator and Sustainer of all things.  For darkness heralds the coming of the light.

PD, Mephibosheth and Grace

I used to run the race of life on the front lines of the battle.  I was strong and it felt good to spend myself attaining not just satisfaction - but also gaining ground in nearing the proximity of my perceived goals.  As time passed, I found my goals were always changing, and I never reached the end of my struggle.  I ran, and ran, and ran accomplishing more but gaining nothing.  My speed was frantic - but for all my efforts, it was fast getting me nowhere. 
And then, long before the race was done, something broke.  Enter PD.  It slowed my forward progress, yet I was no less driven to win.  I was like the Israelites - in bondage - striving to make my quota of bricks - just barely keeping ahead of the demand when the straw - a necessary ingredient of bricks - was no longer given.  The demands for brick remained the same but without the straw given to me, it took more strength, more time, more skill.
I felt hedged in, troubled, oppressed in every way, perplexed and unable to find a way out, hard driven, alone, struck down to the ground - and in all things I felt the sentence of death to my mortal being.  Something had to give.  I needed either a new quota of bricks, a new task master, or renewed ability to perform. 
My ability was not renewed.  In fact it weakened and I became increasingly unable to perform.  The quota did not change.  The same was still required - the standard was not lowered.  The only way I was to survive was by grace.  Someone had to step into my place and make the bricks that were required.  The quota must be met.  The standard could not be lowered.  Someone needed to step in to do the things for me I could not do.
Here I was a failure in every way.  I had become an invalid.  I couldn't take care of myself and certainly not anyone else.  I could earn nothing, nor did I deserve any help based on my  accomplishments.  According to my performance, I was deficient.  Only grace could give me dignity.  Only an act of unmerited favor could raise me from the disgrace of total uselessness.  Only grace could put me into a position of honor.
King David once gave grace to a man named Mephibosheth, who was the son of an enemy and a cripple.  Mephibosheth was hiding in fear from the king in a place called Lo-Debar (which means no pasture), when the king invited him to eat at the king's table and be provided for all of his days. 
I am a picture of grace!  Even my name (Anna) means "grace".  Once I was broken and lost - useless - and an enemy to God. Like Mephibosheth, I was an invalid. I was without dignity or honor, existing like Mephibosheth in a terrible place where there was no pasture - no sustenance (it is equated with no Word of God.  We know that Jesus IS the Word, so we can conclude that we came from a place bereft of Jesus as Lord).  Jesus, my King, extended grace and took me in all of my brokeness, gave me dignity, and raised me to a place of honor.
If you want to understand grace, look at me.  Understand my earlier condition of disgrace.  Understand my need.  Then look and see what God has done for me. If you have never accepted all the love Jesus offers you - if you have never received the grace that He freely offers to you, then please stop to ponder it.  Do not walk away from this gift.  I encourage you to receive it as eagerly as you would receive a gift in beautiful wrapping!

Know Your Tools

I'm an artist. To get satisfactory results when I attempt to render something, I  have to know and be familiar with my media, whether it be watercolor, pastels, colored pencil, graphite, pen and ink or charcoal. 
Let's take watercolor, for example:  it's very unpredictable and also very unforgiving.  On top of that, when your colors on your paper are wet they look deeper or more vibrant than when they are dry.  There are many different kinds of paper, and when the paint is applied, the color will spread differently according to the weight and how it is pressed.  You have to understand how to mix colors so that you don't wind up with a muddy mess.  There are different grades of paint.....; many different types of brushes; and there are other tools to apply the paints with like a sponge or sprinkled salt.  Then if you make a mistake, you have to get creative according to trial and error to see if it can be corrected so that you don't have to trash it.  To get good at painting I have to spend time practicing what  I know and I work to improve.  You get the picture. 
So what does this have to do with PD?  Well this is what I'm thinking:  As time goes on and our disease progresses, we are able to do fewer and fewer of the same things like we have always done.  We can be inclined to brood over our losses.  We might give in to depression and self-pity as the losses mount up.   Our hearts can break over this dreadful state of affairs.  But, wait a minute......  Are we bypassing the good news that no disease or state of affairs can steal?
God gives us all of the tools we will ever need to deal with this disease and our heartaches.  He gives us the fruit of the Spirit (Galations 5:22-23 - "the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance....")  He also gives us armor so that we stand and do not fall.  (read Ephesians 6:11-18) If you are a Believer, God has given you the tools to create a masterpiece.  And you need to be familiar with these tools He gives you.  Practice love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness and temperance!  You become proficient with these tools only if you practice.  And, it won't be easy at first, but keep on, and you will see a change.  Don't focus on your loss, but go forward into the life that you have, and don't look back.  Nobody can ever go back to the way things were, but we are all given this new day. 
I don't know about you, but I suspect you would agree with me that your day is packed full of circumstances and opportunities to test your skill in handling these tools.  "This is the day that the Lord has made.  We will rejoice and be glad in it."

Parkinson's Disease: The Bomb

Today we are watching and listening to the unfolding of the terrorist bombing in Boston as police leave no stone unturned in the hunt for those responsible. 
Today, those of us with PD are also watching the unfolding of our lives with this infirmity that exploded upon our lives not unlike the bomb that literally rocked Boston. 
Where did it come from?  Why am I the site chosen for this unthinkable devastation?  Did God do this to me?
I don't believe He did.  It would be unthinkable to presume a spouse or a friend or sibling or my child (someone who loves me) could infect me with this disease, leaving me striken with no hope of living again.  In the same way, it is unthinkable to presume that God could or would bring the dark storm of PD into my life leaving me with the shrapnel of tremors, inability to move, facial masking, loss of smell, decreasing ability to speak correctly, depression and such things.  God is not the author of evil, nor is there any darkness in Him at all.
So where did this bomb come from?  I think we could all agree that it is the product of evil.  There are realities in this world that are not visible to our earthly eyes, but whose existence can be verified by the thoughts and deeds it inspires.  It is loveless and dark.  The spirit of the terrorist is as senseless as disease.  It exists only to destroy.
The terrorist will be tracked down.  Judgement will come.  And so it is with evil....  It will not prevail. 
We live in a broken world, but take heart and cling to the hope that God gives.  Forsake any thought of darkness and resist evil.  Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.  Stand with the psalmist who writes:  "I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage.  Yes, wait for the Lord."  Psalm 27:13-14

I Think We are all Looking for a Safe Place

Today, we are faced with fear, confusion, and turmoil.  We are trying to cope with the bombings in Boston and wondering what kind of a person could or would send letters to ANYBODY that were laced with a deadly poison.  We watch the news as the story of a fertilizer plant that caught fire and blew up in Texas unfolds.  Chicago is flooding badly.  As I sit here typing this, the thunder has begun to roll along with wind and  a steady downpour of rain.  We are warned that hail might be on the way....
I think we are all looking for a safe place to shelter us from the evil all around us.  We feel that it's getting closer to us, yet we have no idea where to hide.
Let me remind you that though this world is run by the evil one, God has the last say-so over it all.  Run to Him.  Let Him gather you to His bosom and like a hen with chicks, allow Him to cover you with His wings.
We don't always understand why things happen, but we can be sure of this:  God loves everyone and does not want anyone to perish.  If we will let Him, He will guard us just like the diligent shepherd guards his sheep.  That shepherd is always on the lookout for lions, bears and wild dogs.  He will fight them off of the sheep with his staff.  He will lead them through the valleys to rich pastures and calm waters.  He will annoint their heads with oil that repels flies and gnats and prevents the egg laying pests that gain access through the nose and eyes.  He goes looking for the one that strays.  And when the sheep are troubled due to bullying among themselves He takes charge.
Things are going to get worse.  God tells us this in His Word.  But His love never dies, and if we will accept that He knows the way in which we should go, pay attention to it,  seeking His will, and letting Him lead us, then we will not ever be without Him.

Psalm 91

¹ He who ^[a]dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall remain stable and fixed under the shadow of the Almighty [Whose power no foe can withstand].

² I will say of the Lord, He is my Refuge and my Fortress, my God; on Him I lean and rely, and in Him I [confidently] trust!

³ For [then] He will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence.

⁴ [Then] He will cover you with His pinions, and under His wings shall you trust and find refuge; His truth and His faithfulness are a shield and a buckler.

⁵ You shall not be afraid of the terror of the night, nor of the arrow (the evil plots and slanders of the wicked) that flies by day,

⁶ Nor of the pestilence that stalks in darkness, nor of the destruction and sudden death that surprise and lay waste at noonday.

⁷ A thousand may fall at your side, and ten thousand at your right hand, but it shall not come near you.

⁸ Only a spectator shall you be [yourself inaccessible in the secret place of the Most High] as you witness the reward of the wicked.

⁹ Because you have made the Lord your refuge, and the Most High your dwelling place,

¹⁰ There shall no evil befall you, nor any plague or calamity come near your tent.

¹¹ For He will give His angels [especial] charge over you to accompany and defend and preserve you in all your ways [of obedience and service].

¹² They shall bear you up on their hands, lest you dash your foot against a stone.

¹³ You shall tread upon the lion and adder; the young lion and the serpent shall you trample underfoot.

¹⁴ Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore will I deliver him; I will set him on high, because he knows and understands My name [has a personal knowledge of My mercy, love, and kindness—trusts and relies on Me, knowing I will never forsake him, no, never].

¹⁵ He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.

¹⁶ With long life will I satisfy him and show him My salvation.

 

Rejoicing

"Consider it all joy my brethren when you encounter varioous trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.  And let endurance have its perfect result that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."   James 1:2-4

I read that the deeper meaning of the word "joy" is to be satisfied.  I want to ask you if you are content or satisfied with your lot in life.  James says that we should be.  In fact, he says that when we encounter rough waters - when we encounter various trials - we are to meet those trials with contentment.
By definition "trials" are suffferings that put strength, patience or faith to the test.
When James wrote these words, he was  talking to fellow BELIEVERS.  That's US. 
How can we rejoice or be content when we are suffering a trial of some sort?  We are not glad to be unhappy - but we celebrate the fact that in the midst of painful, hurtful circumstances - God is THERE - with us - meeting our needs (not necessarily our wants).  The God of the universe has made Himself small enough that He has concerned Himself with and acquainted Himself with MY problems! 
It's not problems that matter so much (problems come and go) but with a sense of wonder, I am transported far beyond my trial, and I "see" God holding me up, bending over me, attending me, expressing His tender love for me....
When I say that I "see" it, it is through the lens of faith.  I am believing that God IS who He says He is, and that He does love me the way He says He does.  To do this I have to know what the Bible tells me about Him.  So prepare NOW for the testing of your strength, faith and patience that will surely come, by READING the Word. 
We must first KNOW the Word.  Then we BELIEVE that Word.  Then we ACT on the truth of the Word.
It will feel bad at first.  But push through that pain.  Like giving birth, there is joy unspeakable on the other side of that trial.
As I write this I am reminded of my childhood.  Whenever I got sick, my mother would take care of me.  She would feed me delicious meals, prepare tasty treats, medicate me, see that I rested in bed, freshen my sheets every day, and so on.  I loved the attention.  I didn't like being sick, but I loved the TLC.
I think James is telling us this same thing:  You don't have to like the trial, but rejoice in your heavenly Father's tender loving care over you.

Please Pray for him

Someone that I have known a long time is even now as I write, slipping away from this world.  There are perhaps only hours left before he is gone completely.  Please pray for this person, who has never professed a belief in his Creator, but who has in fact denied His existence.  Please pray that God will somehow reach him and like the thief on the cross next to Jesus, He will receive eternal life.  Even at this last hour, this is possible.
To those of you who have life, please pray.  And be thankful that He has removed the scales from your eyes, and that He has given you one more day..............