Sign Posts

In dealing with things and people that are hurtful or uncomfortable to me, I am propelled into new territory. I am led forward by discomfort, fear and ignorance, to seek the reason for painful predicaments. They are sign posts that point the way to understanding how I arrived in this uncomfortable situation or relationship. My true motives are unearthed and will determine my next steps – either to defend my right to stay and stand on that familiar plot of ground – refusing to change – or to take steps towards finding a new place that offers a vantage point that reveals new insight into my true motives which in turn – if I allow – will get me to the problem that is behind my problem.

Then and only then can I invite God in to be the Healer that He is, and stand aside – so as not to hinder Him as He chisels “self” from the block of marble that I am. “Self” is always at varience with the true changes that He makes in my heart – which then show up in my character. I do not have the power to make these changes, but only to see that they are needed, and to get out of His way, yielding to Him, and not fighting against Him. These small pieces of “Self” - ishness – show up as tendancies to preserve “Self” at the cost of all else.

So, the truth becomes clear to me.... I am not perfect or complete. There are things that must change. And God uses other people – even my enemies - to make this apparent. If I desire wholeness and improvement, I will not question my Maker's motives or methods, but will put that undisciplined house pet called “Self” – out of my house, and into the yard, so that He – God - can commence removing what is not part of the finished me.

The Shepherd King Part 6

The Shepherd King

Part 6

I set up camp in a clearing, so tired, and ready to rest. My ankle was pounding, but at least I was able to walk..........Dave had found a piece of wood – a stick – that served as a walking stick and he carved a hand hold in it. He left it with me.

He had cautioned me to be on the look out, as he had heard rumors of raiding bands that were from the town of Parkinson's Disease. I did try to stay awake, but the warm and comforting fire in front of me seemed to have a hypnotic effect as I stared into the flames that danced up and down with colors of white hot, glowing orange and cooler blue.

I don't know how long I had been asleep, but I dreamnt that goblins crept into my campsite, sniffing everything – picking up the few crumbs of dried bread that had been in my backpack. They crept around me first touching me with a toe, then prodding me with sticks. Soon they were viciously kicking me. Then the attack ended as suddenly as it had started, and they were gone.

Trembling, I lapsed into a dark and dreamless sleep, and awoke with questions..........Questions like, “How will it be possible to make it through this journey? It will be a miracle if it doesn't all kill me.” I was so lonely and though help had come at various times, I was alone at this moment. My heart cried out to the Shepherd King. “If You are with me, and if You care, help me! I am no match for my enemies. I don't even know how to fight them. I don't know anyone who has been this way and could offer me advice........... So, my Lord, help me to trust You, and open my ears up to You. I need to hear your voice. I have tried everything else...........but I am realizing that this is a journey I must take alone. Only You can be my companion. But most of the time, I can't see You and have no evidence of Your presence with me. I have no choice but to trust in You – that You mean what You say and Your promises are good. Please heal me, Lord. I have no way of knowing whether or not you will, but either way, help me to be brave, have courage and be able to believe in You in the face of everything that would seem to indicate that You are a lie. Help me to bear it all.”

A warm feeling and a calm with the absence of fear settled over me in answer to be cries.

I moved on and on with difficulty. Instead of my wounds healing, it was becoming more and more draining to walk and my progress was so impeded that I could not travel the way I used to. I was learning to be satisfied with smaller and smaller things......... I began really learning that it is not getting the job done – whatever it may be, but learning patience while trying to get there.   

The Baby King

Read this story with the idea that it is a story about a true story.

It is Christmas.  We are celebrating the birth of a king, in a time long ago.  His birth was a miracle.  It had been foretold many years before by the prophets and great men of old.  Feasts had been held for many years before His birth that pointed to Him so people would recognize Him when He came because no one knew the precise time when He would arrive .  His birth was a miracle and a mystery, for He was born of an earthly woman - a virgin - but His father was not flesh and blood, but Spirit that ruled heaven.  This King was the Son of God!
On the night of His birth, angels were sent to shepherds nearby tending their flocks and they were told a king - their king - had entered the world.  This was entirely appropriate for this king was to rule the highborn and the lowly.  The angels broke out in joyful songs, announcing this amazing birth.  The shepherds saw the bright star that announced the baby king's entry to the earth,and were the only ones on that night besides the angels to welcome and worship this newborn king.  The important men in this country where the new king was born, missed all of the signs announcing his birth.

About this time , there were unusual signs in the sky.  Astronomers from the far east saw something they had never seen before.  It was the appearance of the brightest star anyone had ever seen.  These astronomers - knowing the prophecies of a King to come - packed up their things, and started on a journey that would take them to the newborn King.  They gathered gifts suitable for a King - precious spices that were greatly valued - gold, frankincense and myhr. and they packed them carefully.  Their caravan included soldiers for protection as well as many servants with camels and donkeys, and food rations for they had a very long way to go,  The King came though as a servant.  He came from heaven, where His beauty and glory was dazzling, and for man's sake, He took on the nature of a servant.  He became like a Shepherd caring for an unruly flock of sheep.

The great company of men from the east followed the star that would lead them to the new King.  The trip was long and led them to Jerusalem.  They went to a ruler there named Herod and asked where the new baby king had been born.  He was a jealous ruler and a bad man.  He questioned the religious leaders and asked where this baby was to  be born.  The told him Bethlehem.  The star led the caravan of men from the east to a humble lodging in Bethlehem where they found the baby king, his mother and her husband.   They worshiped him and gave their precious gifts to him.  Then they went back to their home another way, because they had been warned in a dream not to tell Herod where they found the baby king.

Today, men have forgotten that Christmas is the celebration of the baby king's birth.  They love to decorate their houses and businesses, singing songs and giving gifts at family gatherings.  They don't talk about the joyous miracle birth of the baby king who came to save all of the people in the world, but instead have erected a great stone statue, painted with bright red and green colors.  It is supposed to be an image of a man who gives presents to all children in the world.  He only gives to those who are "good" and the gift giving is not in joy because of the king's birth, but it is because they love the gifts.

The baby king lived and taught men the ways of the kingdom, showing them how to live.  He worked miracles of healing for anyone who came to him, loving each one of them.  But the people who should have recognized him, killed him.  And He let them.  They whipped him and nailed him to a cross and let him die.  They misunderstood him when they should have  recognized him.  They fought against him when they should have stood by him.  They hated him when they should have loved him.   But He came back!  His love was so great that even death could not hold him.  The rest of the story is ANOTHER  story, but really - it's the same that we will save for another time, for this one is about the birth of the baby king!

To those of us with Parkinson's Disease, or any other, is the gift (of health, happiness, comfort, etc.) more important, or is it the gift giver  more important?  Which one do you seek?

Let Him Take Care of All

I have questions... lots of questions.   Why do I have this disease?  What causes it?  Will I ever get better?  How long will life be difficult?  And then there are the questions relating to friends, family and acquaintences.  As I view the panorama of my past, I am met with memories and people, places and things both good and bad.  There are joys and sadness, trust and betrayel, times of confusion and times of clarity, wasted moments and time well spent and so on.  I have spent years pondering some of these things - especially those things that hurt - and I never get past a certain point as I try to make logical sense of it all.  I cannot discern the heart's intent of my enemies or the motivation of my friends.  I just don't have enough information to come to an indisputable understanding. 

I get stuck on the betayels, the meaness, the self-centeredness of us all.  I don't even fully know why I have done the things I have done. 

But that's ok.  That's how it will be this side of heaven.   And even if I did know it all, what does that have to do with who I am? All of the past is who I was.  I decide what kind of person I want to be today regardless of grievances.  In fact it is as we go through our heartaches that who we really are in Christ is diffused into the world around us. 

Nobody escapes trouble.  But God is there to help.  He understands it all, so we can trust Him without knowing all of the answers.  We can enter into faith that says, He knows all, sees all, this Jesus.  He is light and He is love.  He cares and He will do the right thing.  

Rest your weary hearts and tired minds....  and let Him take care of all..........

Faith or Control?

Does the uncertainty of the future bother you?  Do the memories of the past confuse you as they fade away?  Does it stress you out to deal with the changing present?  Do you live in defeat because you are not sure the decisions you are making are the right ones?   If so, you may be having control issues.  At least that's how it usually goes with me.  It's the exact opposite of living by faith in Jesus Christ.  We are to do the best we can at any given time, based on the knowledge that we have at that time.  We will never have perfect knowledge.  But if we do our best to live life the way God  tells us to, then we can trust Him to take care of the rest.
We can't see the future, nor do we completely understand the past.  Our time in the present is bombarded with false information, all manner of emotions, amd an imperfect and faulty body.  How much of reality can be grasped given these circumstances?  I don't know the answer to that, but I do know that there IS a right way - a good way - and it's God's way. 
I am comforted to know that He knows the truth about certain things that happened in the past that now come back to haunt me.  I can depend on Him to take care of me through it all, because He knows the truth about all things, and He will show me the path of life if I will yield to Him and listen to Him. 
Life with PD brings with it many problems, many heartaches, and much that is unknown.  Do your best to do the right and good thing, based on the knowlege you have at the time.  Yield to God in every way you know how, trusting Him to do what is right.  This is how you are to live.  Use PD to practice hearing His voice and obeying.............

Life Has Nothing to Do With Disease

I have pondered why is it so devastating when we are given the dreaded diagnosis of PD?  Is it the loss of ability within our body that grieves us, or the state of dependance on others that is so hard to accept - the loss of control?  Is it the fact that we are made different than the "normal" person - so we no longer fit the mold?
Whether we have PD or not we will grow old, and deal with the same loss of ability in our body, and slowly lose control.  We must adjust our perception of life either way.  Life is more - much more than the abilities we have or the work we accomplish.  It is more than our short existence on the earth.  Life carries with it the ability to see beyond our earthly existence, and to choose that life.  Life is what we need more of.
Life with PD can seem a terrible thing.  We weary of the fight to maintain - the fight to hang onto our diminishing abilities; we stiffin against our growing needs.  But what we are really resisting is not the loss of life in our bodies, but the entrance of death.  John 10:10 tells us that Jesus says, "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."  Who is Jesus referring to when he says, "they"?  He is talking not just to people who are blessed with good health, but to ALL of His sheep - with or without PD.  He has come to give you life to the fullest.  Hear His offer; believe it; embrace it; enjoy it....

2 Choices

All of us have 2 choices when we need the strength or wherewithall to do something.  We can choose to draw on our physical strength that is in our body or ask God to empower us with His power to get the job done. 
Well, those of us who have PD know just how frustrating it is to not have the physical strength to do what we want to do.  We know what we want to do, but strength is lacking.  A simple task, like writing a letter, or going to the bathroom may be altogether overwhelming because we cannot manage without help.  So we learn to accept the help of others and we are grateful.
I think learning how to do that is a huge thing.  It is what a life of faith in God calls for:  In a Believer's life, he knows what he needs to do and how he needs to live, but is totally unable to do this in his own strength.  The Believer learns to plug into God, and carry out His will through His power.  We do the things He wants, in the way that He wants it, when He wants it.
Doesn't that sound familiar?  With PD one learns to circumvent our own power, which was limited to begin with, and engage God's power which is the very same power that raised Jesus from the dead!  In our inability to get things done, we learn to wait on God and listen to Him.  We learn that our own way is not always best.  We learn how to handle the answer to our prayers when it is NO.  So, you see, those of us with PD have a head start when it comes to living for God.  Once again, I say that PD is a very good teacher, though it 's unappreciated in the present. 
Take advantage of the valuable lessons you have learned in your disability.  Don 't let this experience go to waste.  "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you."   James 4:8

Are You Weak Today?

Sometimes, those of us with PD are so uncomfortable and weak and anxious that we just retreat into silence.  If this is the case with you, did you know that you are still important?  Did you know that God's purposes are still being  worked out in you and around you?  Your life is impacting those who are around you.  In your silence, worship Him.  In your pain, honor Him.  With your thoughts reach out to Him.  In your anxiety, by faith receive peace.  Maybe you can't even sit up to read this at your computer.  I know what that's like.  And if that is the case today, I pray that someone will read this message to you.  In your predicament, worship Him in your spirit, though your soul and your body be in distress. 
Do you know who Corrie Ten Boom was?  She was a renowned speaker who traveled the world over to give her testimony.  She was a survivor of a German concentration camp.  At the end of her life, she had a stroke and was paralyzed - not able to talk or communicate in any way.  A friend who was also a nurse took care of her from then on until her death.  Corrie, was not thrown to the side by God when she no longer could testify with words or deeds.  Her silence and suffering somehow brought blessings to people who would come to see her.  She was an inspiration to those who took care of her.  Her nurse knew her so well,  that at times she would even speak for Corrie.
God brought about things through Corrie's life that never could have been - in any other way.  I pray God's strength for you today, but if it doesn't come to invigorate your body or calm your  soul, then ask Him to use you to His glory and worship him in your total weakness and inability - and do this in your spirit.  You matter.

A Radical Calling

More and more, I am convinced that I am called to give my time to prayer.  I'm not talking about praying a list of requests or any other list, but something quite different.  I'm talking about praying God's heart.  I'm talking about spending time with Him just LEARNING His heart.  We don't know how to pray and left on our own we often pray amiss, asking for things that are not His will though we think so.  Praying God's heart is a radical thing.  It requires a radical faith.  It can be a lonely place where self is not rewarded or honored. 

I thank God that I have TIME to pray.  Since I can't work outside of my home, I HAVE the time.  There is no higher calling than to know God's heart and to express it back to Him. 

No one knows what I pray.  No one knows what place I frequent in prayer.  No one knows what darkness recedes or what evil is bound because I pray.  No one knows whose heart is won or who is brought into the light because I pray.  No one knows what secrets are revealed to me or how I am nourished in prayer.  No one knows what protective walls are built nor what battles are won because I pray.  No one.

Miracles happen, and evil is paralyzed because I pray.  God is moved when I pray.

O, Lord, I pray for light in this home - I invite You and welcome You to come in - to reside forever and do as You please.  Strike down the enemy and inflict defeat on all the enemy who dares to plan against those who are Yours within this home.  Make this a safe house for all who belong to You.  Let love and light reign.

And let it be so for those You have called to read this.

It's Bad

Unemployment, rising gas prices, death in Afghanistan, fathers murdering children, as well as missing children, enemy drones invading Israel, meningitis outbreaks caused by back pain shots, and alligators released and abandoned in public areas on Long Island - These are a few things going on here and in the world at large.

Make no mistake - we are living in a dangerous world, populated by dangerous people, in dangerous times.  We are perhaps frightened because of our disability.  We know that there is much we cannot do.  We are slow or frozen, weak and uncoordinated - an easy target for bad people.  We are forced to depend on the kindness of others.  We are very much aware of our physical shortcomings in a world where only the super heroes of our imaginations meet the dark demands of evil.  We are no match for whatever may attack from the midst of darkness.

It will not help to turn from this reality and pretend - and hope - that we and our loved ones will emerge from it all unscathed.  Because we don't know what to do - we have fallen asleep; but we MUST wake up!

Our heavenly father tells us what to do.  He tells us what the final outcome for those who belong to Him will be:

"You will have the Lord for an everlasting light, and your God for your glory."   Isaiah 60:19

I'll give you some highlights from the 91st Psalm, but I strongly suggest that you read the entire Psalm for yourself:

"It is He who delivers you from the snare of the trapper, and from the deadly pestilence.  You will not be afraid of the terror by night, or of the arrow that flies by day; of the pestilence that stalks in the day...."  Psalm 91

God is our refuge - our hope - our help in times of trouble.  WAKE UP, Pilgrim!  Have courage and fear not.

Our God is aware; our God is powerful; our God is light and love.  Draw close to Him and He will draw close to you.

"He who dwells in the shelter of the most high, will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.:   Psalm 91:1

Sixty Second Prayers

My computer has been down and still is out of commission, so I'm writing to you from my son's computer.  Life has been very busy these last few weeks.  We will be moving soon, so I've spent my time packing, throwing away, and organizing.  I can't do as much as I would like to do at one time, but I'm plugging along.  I have set easily attained goals for every day (like I aim to pack two boxes by the end of the day) and I'm surprised at how much I have done.  I stop often during the day and pray very quick prayers.  I find that this is the best way to deal with confusion, fatigue, discouragement and any other trouble that comes my way (and there have been PLENTY).  Sixty second prayers keep me focusing on the right thing and remembering Who my Helper is.
I am satisfied more and more with talking to God about my problems and obstacles and content to wait and see what He says or shows me.  He never fails to answer.  In the first chapter of James, the Bible tells us that if anyone lacks wisdom let him ask God for it.  Then He Who gives generously and without reproach will give it.  But it warns us that we must ask in faith without any doubting because the one who doubts should not expect to receive anything.  Doubting God is not believing that He is Who He says He is or that He will not do what He promises.
I'm not in the same place (emotionally) that I was in the last time I posted on my blog, but then neither are you.  I'm moving ahead and looking forward to the new things that are ahead of me.  Sometimes I'm tempted to worry about going to a new place, making new friends, learning new places, changing doctors, but when those worries try to crowd in, I just start praying.  I will check back with you as I can until once again I can write regularly.  My thoughts are with you....
Anna

What Does the World See?

Yesterday morning I went out with friends.  I saw a man surrounded by his friends on the beach.  He was in a wheelchair - but not just an ordinary wheelchair....  It had wheels that looked like large intertubes - designed to be pushed through the sand on the beach.  The friend pushed the man into the surf - only enough to wet his feet.  The friend was strong and kept a tight hold on the wheelchair.  The man trusted in the strength and love that the friend had for him.

I wondered if the man had been a surfer or a swimmer.  He obviously had a love for the sea.

It struck me that this friend was like Jesus, who pushes His loved ones through this life in the same way.  He is strong.  He is tender.  He takes us where we cannot go alone.

I wonder who is watching you and who is watching me, and I wonder what picture we make - Jesus and me.    For surely we don't go unnoticed.  And whether we trust in His strength and His love, will be there for all to see, so think - reader ....  What does the world see?

The Difference Between Yesterday and Today

Tell me what you're thinking.  Share your thoughts with me today.  You may think it's not necessary because we talked yesterday, but I need to hear from you today.  Everything is new today.  We are both in a different place today.  You might need reassurance.  I might need reminders.  I know that you loved me yesterday, but do you love me today?  Yesterday the world was different.  Today you will see a different side of me because my challenges call for what you did not see yesterday.  You cannot read my mind, nor I yours.

If you grow impatient with me, just think of this:  I loved you yesterday when things were different.  Today when they are more different still, I love you more.  To repeat it is full affirmation that what has happened today has only deepened this love I have for you.

Make me understand your world today.  I will show you how I love you. Try and understand my world today - and love me.

He is to be Trusted

Do you know the story - from the Bible - about God telling the Israelites - through Moses - to send spies into the land of Canaan (the Promised Land) to check it out?  They were told to see what the land was like and to bring back a report about whether the inhabitants were weak or strong.  You can read it for yourself in Numbers 13 -14.

They went and brought back a report saying the land was very productive, but the people who inhabited Canaan were powerful and the cities were fortified.  They had forgotten all that God had done for them, and the proof of His love of them.  They did not remember His power to deliver.  They said, "We can't attack these people; they are stronger than we are."  Only Joshua and Caleb spoke of God's protection, saying that they could surely defeat these giants and urged the people not to be afraid.

But the people would not listen.  They refused to take possession of the land God was giving them.  Instead of moving forward they hung back in fear and doubt.  As a result, the people who doubted were never allowed to enter the Promised Land.  The only ones allowed this privilege were Joshua and Caleb.

Have you stopped moving forward because you doubt that God can deliver you from the ravages of Parkinson's Disease?  Are you miserable because you have forgotten that God is sovereign and has given you many reasons to hope in Him?  Do you see only giants and know you are unable to fight the loss of courage?

God wants you to keep advancing, and wants you to fear not because He is in control.  Yes, you have a disease.  But when God's purpose is accomplished and your faith has endured testing, you are that much closer to the Promised Land!

Is your faith weak and you fear you cannot endure one more minute of this burden?  Then pray....   God will strengthen you.  He wants you to come forth  beautiful and whole.  He is asking you to trust Him to apply only the right amount of pressure to your soul, and only for the exact amount of time it takes to bring you forth as pure gold.  You are given a heartbreaking condition.  but trust Him to know what He's doing.

I don't know why you and I have Parkinson's Disease. What could I do about it if I did know?  I don't have to know.  Join me with Joshua and Caleb.  This is part of our journey.  One day it will all be clear.  But today, when I have no answers,  I will trust that He loves me.

Oh, Jesus, You are the good shepherd.  Your voice is well known to me, and I will follow it.