Jonah and Parkinson's Disease

Jonah and Parkinson's Disease

Sometimes I am overwhelmed with battle fatigue. Sometimes it seems that for every battle fought and won, there are several new fights to be fought. Sometimes winning consists of nothing more than still being standing when all of the dust settles. And the question that I ask is, “Does it make a difference? Am I wasting my time? Does my life make a difference to those I know and love?”

I am not given to depression, nor do I enjoy feeling sorry for myself (it sucks the life out of me), but at the end of the day, I realize my clothes are in tatters and the smell of the battle sticks to me like smoke from a fire. These days, there doesn't seem to be a place of rest to slip away to from the attackers and invaders that are the enemy's best.

It reminds me of the story of Jonah. This man was running from God and thought to hide in a boat bound for another place. God was giving him a task that he simply could not find the heart to do (like living with PD). So, after he had boarded the boat, and they were on their way, a huge storm came up. It was the worst the crew of the ship had ever encountered. The ship was barely holding together, and being no help at all, Jonah had actually fallen asleep down in the lowest parts of the ship. The crew had thrown all of their cargo overboard to lighten their load. This storm had cost them all that they had, and it was still raging. Everything they tried only made things worse.

It struck me at this point in the story that here I am, and here you are fighting a storm that God has allowed in our lives.... For many of us, it is Hurricane Parkinson. We don't want to fight this typhoon and as silly as it is – we are running from it. And we are trying to outrun God by staying ahead of Him. If it were up to us, there would be no storm, and no loss of cargo. But He is as big as the whole sea and impervious to our best efforts of choosing our own path.

When the crew found out that Jonah was a Hebrew, they were terrified, knowing that he worshiped and belonged to the One True God. So they asked him what they must do to quiet the storm and save their lives. He told them that they must throw him overboard – out into the storm. “So they picked up Jonah and threw him into the sea and the sea ceased from its raging.” (Jonah 1:15)

In the same way, mankind had been trying to hide from God since the Garden of Eden because of his sin. The predicament we find ourselves in is that we are caught in the storm of sin with only one way of making it through alive: We had to throw Jesus like Jonah out into the raging sea, (upon the cross) and only then would the sea become calm. Only His life thrown into Hell's storm of man's sin – to pay for the sins of the world – would calm this tempest.

“Now the Lord had prepared a great fish to swallow Jonah. And Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights. - (death held Jesus three days and three nights). Then Jonah prayed to the Lord his God from the fish's belly. And he said: I cried out to the Lord because of my affliction and He answered me. Out of the belly of Sheol I cried. And You heard my voice. For You cast me into the deep. Into the heart of the seas. And the floods surrounded me. All Your billows and Your waves passed over me. Then I said, 'I have been cast out of Your sight; yes, I will look again toward Your holy temple. The waters surrounded me, even to my soul; The deep closed around me. Weeds were wrapped around my head. I went down to the moorings of the mountains; the earth with its bars closed around me forever. Yet you have brought up my life from the pit, O Lord my God. When my strength fainted within me, I remembered the Lord, and my prayer went up to You, into Your holy temple. Those who regard worthless idols forsake their own mercy. But I will sacrifice to you with the voice of thanksgiving. I will pay what I have vowed. Salvation is of the Lord. So the Lord spoke to the fish, and it vomited Jonah onto dry land.”

We live in a sin cursed world at the present time, and we fight battles. But we live by faith, believing that it has all been straightened out – that Messiah has come and fulfilled His purpose (salvation has come through Him), and though we do not see it now, all things will be made perfect, and the corruptible will be done away with and the incorruptable will established.

One of the present day battles we fight is disease. We will live through this disease by faith, knowing for sure that one day (very soon I think) healing comes. Perfection will rule and all things will be subject to He who paid the price and cancelled sin's effect.

Don't fall asleep, like Jonah did on the boat. Look up for your redemption draweth nigh!

And know that Jesus has already calmed the sea and defeated death. We will SEE this on the appointed day! There will be no more disease. We will not just know that this good day is coming, but we will see it.

It Is the Potter's Choice

It is the Potter's Choice

3-23-15

Anna Knoedl

“But who are you, a human being, to talk back to God? Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?'" Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for special purposes and some for common use?” Romans 9:20-21

With Parkinson's Disease, there are some days that are better than others. These days, I don't have the strength I did a few years ago – or even a year ago. It's not just that. My speech is slow and sometimes I don't breathe properly when speaking. I sound clumsy and hesitant, as if I am confused (which I am not). Sometimes people ask if I'm OK, and when I say yes, they politely look away as if they believed me. It's hard dealing with a body which doesn't act right. There is a list of things that at one time I did well – things that I no longer can do. Perhaps the most distressing thing is that I am not as sharp of mind as I used to be. I have talked to God a lot about this, shrinking from the humiliation of feeblemindedness. The best way of dealing with it is to face it head on, without complaining and be grateful for all that I do have.

“You turn things around! Shall the potter be considered as equal with the clay, That what is made would say to its maker, "He did not make me"; Or what is formed say to him who formed it, "He has no understanding ?” Isaiah 29:16

**

I am cut to the quick when I read this. Earth's brief period of temporal favor – temporary blessings – are meaningless and though once enjoyed, have been spent and no longer have even momentary value. These “blessings” are but a memory. Trying to hold onto them is rather like an old woman trying to look young. It is futile and heartbreaking to have pride in what I once could do, or to be proud of how I once looked. I used to feel capable of almost anything, but the “list” narrows it down a lot.

Strong and quick of mind, I never doubted my abilities. My voice did not waver or fade away in the middle of a sentence, nor was the sight of me unpleasant and there was no stiffness or muscles pulling the wrong way, making my body crooked. my gate once graceful, now can be labored and without rhythm – out of time and beat; I feel I am ugly............ heard only by those who see beyond all the clutter of once pleasant attributes that make the truth attractive. Like an unfaithful friend, these are all gone – the list of things I cannot do.- they are like a vapor this image I thought was me. Like an abandoned wife, I feel like I am worthless and ill suited for any worldly cause at all. My pride is still clinging to the old garments of self. I have found myself cradling yesterday's rotten clothes desperate to be that ghost.

“The Lord said: Israel, you have no right to argue with your Creator. You are merely a clay pot shaped by a potter. The clay doesn’t ask, “Why did you make me this way? Where are the handles?” Isaiah 45:9

Even time is fleeting. To what end? Once spent, forever gone and even memories fade

If this is all there is, then I am with nothing. Give me something to replace the longing I feel for Egypt.

Creator – Maker – Help me!!!! I am missing Egypt. and feeling sorry for myself. How do I yield to Your right to do with me what You will? How do I surrender completely to You, being willing to lose all things for Your sake? Paul got there. He said, “ But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ,and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith,… “ Philippians 3:8

Diving into the deep end of the pool of water that You are, it is at first bitter. I know that eventually it will sweeten. But there is no “half in and half out”. I can see clearly that though it feels all wrong and perhaps even hopeless, this is the way that matters. I choose to plunge my whole self into the cold icy truth. I am what You have made me – I have what You have given me – I agree to dream only those dreams that You allow; I give up my own ideas wholeheartedly, holding back nothing, knowing that the only place for me – the only life that I can have is what You choose; what pleases You. I know that You are in authority over me. At my invitation, You will break away what resists. You will decide if I glorify Your name in power or weakness, beautiful or practical, graceful or not, healthy or sick..........You are the potter and I am the clay. With Your hands, You will work truth and beauty into my substance – kneed it til it's ready. Then another process begins. Until I am done. On this earth there will be the burning away of what is impure, useless or unyielding, and I choose not to fight this. It is a daily decision to die to what I wish and what I want. In the end, You are really all that I could want. You are what I need.

“But who are you, a human being, to talk back to God? Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?'" Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for special purposes and some for common use?” Romans 9:20-21

I am cut to the quick when I read this. Earth's brief period of temporal favor – temporary blessings – are meaningless and though once enjoyed, have been spent and no longer have even momentary value. These “blessings” are but a memory. Trying to hold onto them is rather like an old woman trying to look young. It is futile and heartbreaking to have pride in what I once could do, or to be proud of how I once looked. I used to feel capable of almost anything, but this “list” narrows it down a lot.

Strong and quick of mind, I never doubted my abilities. My voice did not waver or fade away in the middle of a sentence, nor was the sight of me unpleasant and there was no stiffness or any muscles pulling the wrong way, making my body crooked. my gate once graceful, now can be labored and without rhythm – out of time and beat; I feel I am ugly............ heard only by those who see beyond all the clutter of once pleasant attributes that make the truth attractive. Like an unfaithful friend, these are all gone – the list of things I cannot do.- they are like a vapor this image I thought was me. Like an abandoned wife, I feel like I am worthless and ill suited for any worldly cause at all. My pride is still clinging to the old garments of self. I have found myself cradling yesterday's rotten clothes desperate to be that ghost.

“The Lord said: Israel, you have no right to argue with your Creator. You are merely a clay pot shaped by a potter. The clay doesn’t ask, “Why did you make me this way? Where are the handles?” Isaiah 45:9

Even time is fleeting. To what end? Once spent, forever gone and even memories fade

If this is all there is, then I am with nothing. Give me something to replace the longing I feel for Egypt.

Creator – Maker – Help me!!!! I am missing Egypt. and feeling sorry for myself. How do I yield to Your right to do with me what You will? How do I surrender completely to You, being willing to lose all things for Your sake? Paul got there. He said, “ But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ,and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith,… “ Philippians 3:8

Diving into the deep end of the pool of water that You are, it is at first bitter. I know that eventually it will sweeten. But there is no “half in and half out”. I can see clearly that though it feels all wrong and perhaps even hopeless, this is the way that matters. I choose to plunge my whole self into the cold icy truth. I am what You have made me – I have what You have given me – I agree to dream only those dreams that You allow; I give up my own ideas wholeheartedly, holding back nothing, knowing that the only place for me – the only life that I can have is what You choose; what pleases You. I know that You are in authority over me. At my invitation, You will break away what resists. You will decide if I glorify Your name in power or weakness, beautiful or practical, graceful or not, healthy or sick..........You are the potter and I am the clay. With Your hands, You will work truth and beauty into my substance – kneed it til it's ready. Then another process begins. Until I am done. On this earth there will be the burning away of what is impure, useless or unyielding, and I choose not to fight this. It is a daily decision to die to what I wish and what I want. In the end, You are really all that I could want. You are what I need.

O, Sleeper, Wake Up!

My hands and arms are tingling and feeling numb. They are going to sleep. As I was thinking on this, I couldn't help but think about my spiritual body. And as a member of a larger spiritual body – the Church – there is a lesson in here for all of us.

We are in perilous times. It is not a time we would want to be found falling asleep on the job. If any one of us – as a member of Christ's body – is asleep, then we must know that this will cause pain and discomfort for the other members. By falling asleep, I can most certainly open the way for the enemy to come in and attack - to wound -up close. As a Body, our work will be of a poor quality, because some of us are asleep! Some of us can be wounded when other members are asleep. It is being a slacker . It is not believing the signs that God has told us to watch for. He doesn't want anyone to be surprised by the fierce and deadly attacks of the devil and his hordes upon Believers. He gives us many warnings in Scripture. But if anyone is not reading and studying God's Word, he is sleeping.

What does it mean to fall asleep spiritually? It means that when I am supposed to be on the lookout for danger and being prepared for whatever may come so that I can warn encourage and equip other members, I am asleep.

Wake up, Sleeper! The signs of the times are appearing on the horizon and rushing past us as never before. We don't know exactly when we will pass by the markers that are events we are told are coming, but we KNOW they are COMING and where once they were as a tiny dot on an uncluttered horizon, they are upon us now as giants on an anthill. Wake up, Sleeper! Do your job!

It is only in God's strength that we overcome. And when (not if) we see storm clouds approaching, but do not warn, then the resulting breach in the wall is on our heads. God will not be mocked. His judgement is coming and He will not be lenient upon our enemy who seeks to maim, kill and destroy, or the sins that sent Jesus to the cross. Don't think that any sin is so small that it does not need to be confessed and repented of. Don't sleep while there is still time to get out of bed, and be about the business of the Lord.

This is an uncomfortable message, but if you are reading it, it is meant for you – today. It is no accident that His message has come to me – today – and I have brought it to you. Ask God for help where you need it. Call on His name for help. Clean things up and leave no spot or wrinkle unattended to. He is a loving God, and His mercies are new each and every day. O, Sleeper, wake up!

Worship

Worship is setting aside time..........chores...........things...........and other people so I can lift God up to His rightful place in my life. It's so I can give back to Him the love I have received. Last week – all week – I was more aware of being a pilgrim in this foreign world. I consistently chose God over the TV, the phone, the computer and even house work. I deliberately kept my eyes on Him. I let my imagination kick in as well. Reading the Bible not only renews my mind. It stimulates my thought processes. I don't mean to sound so dry and matter-of-fact, but the really fun stuff comes AFTER the foundation work of good choices.

When I decide I want to start my day with Jesus – there I am, in my mind – pulling the other rocking chair up close so He'll be near.

Throughout the day, I choose to bring my Lord and Savior up close. I remember to admire Him and ponder His ways. Much of our time together is in silence, and I am learning the timber and tone of His voice - it is different from anyone else's. O, and we laugh together – sometimes uproarously, holding our sides. I've learned to expect small tokens of His love all day. And I've learned to give Him the same. Sometimes my gifts are like a child's drawing - simple and colored occassionally out of the lines.

Strangely enough though, it's the scaryness of this unsteady world, the mean people, the disappointments and the pain that pulls me in closest to Him.

With every choice inside of a day, I grow one way or the other - into Him or away from Him. This week I chose to make more of every day just worship, and I found comfort when He was near. When He is the center of my world, and I am not – all's well.

From the Old Home Bound for the New

From the Old Home, Bound for the New

3/11/15

Today, I am beset with worries, and my thoughts only make me fear. Perhaps today is the same for you. Well, this is nothing new, and many many people who have gone before us faced unsettling issues and problems for which they could find no answers. There have been more heartaches than anyone can count. Without saying more about that.........I will say this: God has things well in hand. He knows our trouble and it has come as no surprise to Him. He has come to put our feet on the right track and walk us through danger, through trouble, through disease, through the camp of giants, and any other thing that may threaten us or hold us back from all the good He has planned for us. He knows the way through to safety. It is not our way. It is not what we wanted or where we went when the road forked. But it is HIS way. It is the ONLY way.

At the beginning of time, when Adam rejected God and because of sin, could not walk with Him in the garden, a rift was created between ourselves and God. A veil was drawn over our eyes so that to us wrong seems right, and right seems wrong. If we will throw away our pride and admit that we are lost and cannot find our way back to Him, we can receive His help. But we must trust Him to help us.

In our case, among other things, this means He will help us through this disease on this day even though we don't have any strength; even though we think we cannot stand another minute of this humiliation; even though we cannot scrape together the remnants of the joy we once had; even though we have bourne the loss of things we thought we could never live without; even though it feels like life is over and we want no part of what's left.

King David was right there. He sang of it. He opened his heart up to God and held back nothing within it from the Lord. Here is some of what he wrote:

“Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eye is wasted away from grief, my soul and my body also. For my life is spent with sorrow, and my years with sighing; my strength has failed because of my iniquity, and my body has wasted away. Because of all my adversaries, I have become a reproach, especially to my neighbors, and an object of dread to my acquaintances; those who see me in the street flee from me. I am forgotten as a dead man out of mind. I am like a broken vessel....”

Now we get to the “hope” part.............

“I trust in Thee, O Lord. I say, 'Thou art my God.' My times are in Thy hand;” …... “Make Thy face to shine upon Thy servant; Save me in Thy lovingkindness. Let me not be put to shame, O Lord, for I call upon Thee;”................”How great is Thy goodness, which Thou hast stored up for those who fear Thee, which Thou hast wrought for those who take refuge in Thee, before the sons of men! Thou dost hide them in the secret place of Thy presence from the conspiracies of man; Thou dost keep them secretly in a shelter from the strife of tongues. Blessed be the Lord, for He has made marvelous His lovingkindness to me in a beseiged city....” Or we might say, in a beseiged body........ “ As for me, I said in my alarm, 'I am cut off from before Thine eyes; nevertheless Thou didst hear the voice of my supplications when I cried to Thee, O, love the Lord all you His godly ones! The Lord preserves the faithful.... Be strong, and let your heart take courage all you who hope in the Lord.” taken from Psalm 31 NAS

There is no avoiding trouble in life. But there is a way through. We may make it to the finish line, torn and bruised, weary and hurt, but God has it all under control. He gave us the beautiful gift of life with blessing. Our ancestors brought sin into this perfect world, and we were all lost to His blessings. Then He provided a way – the only way – to get through our once perfect world that was ruined. The way is not easy, and doesn't always make sense. It sometimes hurts – because medicine can be bitter. But He has not cut us off from the way out – the way back to Him.

If you think you can commit to halfway following Him and the other half to doing things your own way, then you'd better think again. He will not be dishonored or disbelieved that way. It would be better to reject Him outright than to pretend to belong to Him and to pretend to love Him.

Don't be afraid. Live this life for Him, and headed for the beautiful home He has made for you. It's almost ready.

Help Us, Lord

The fact that we have awakened to a new day, means that there is hope to be grasped in this day. I pray that we would  all be helped to grab onto it through Jesus the Lord.  Through Him all things were made and FOR Him all things were made.  IN Him all things hold together.  There is no hope or truth outside of Him.

O, Heavenly Father, we present ourselves to You, this morning, for service in Your kingdom.  Lord, we do confess our unworthiness before You to receive anything good.  We do not deserve Your help.  In fact we have sinned against You - our God - and our brothers and sisters in Christ - as well as the world of people who are lost.  We are no better than they, and do not deserve Your mercy or forgiveness.  But in Your kindness, You have made a place for each of us, that is in Your Presence.  In that place, You have provided opportunity to examine ourselves, and allow You to take away from us the sins that we embrace, as well as those we do not even know we have committed.  Keep us today, Lord, in the place of the 23rd Psalm.
Take our hearts and cleanse them and give us clean hands this day.

We pray for our country today, and the men and women who are governing it. Most specifically we lift up to You our president.   Please put Your desires into their hearts and guide them in Your ways.  Just as Abraham asked God to spare Sodom and Gomorrah if there were only 10 righteous people in those cities, we also ask that for the sake of Your people that you spare this country and us with our families.

We also pray for leadership in our cities and towns.  Show them the way of salvation today, and give them wisdom to lead us into Truth.

I pray that You will protect families and communities here.  Save the loved ones in our families who are lost.  Preserve us, Lord and protect us.  We will perish in our sinful ways if You do not help us.  Give us Your desires and increase our love for You.  Forgive our selfishness.  Inhabit these temples - these bodies of ours after we are cleansed and consecrated.

In the Name of Jesus Amen

A Warning

This is a warning.  Don't leave yourself open to the enemy.  He is looking for places that will be a foothold for him so he can scale the wall that separates he and you. Don't think that you are without sin.  If that's what you think you are calling God a liar. Don't be lulled by comfort or quiet.........  If we could see into the spirit world right now, I believe we would be dismayed at the huge increase of activity there.  The enemy is working very hard to deceive the world and everyone in it.  And, believe me, there are many who have fallen, or are at risk of losing all.

Believers are called to finish the race; to throw away everything that encumbers, to not hold dear anything of this world; to not fear man or devil; to overcome;  to be strong in His strength; to judge ourselves and confess our sins, though we have already done so (we must never consider ourselves above sin - as pride has shown us it is no respecter of persons).

We must know how to judge a person's words and actions (but never their heart) so that we are not unaware of the enemy around us.  We are to love radically, forgiving all, but not forsaking all we have learned.  Forgive, but don't throw away caution.  And know that forgiveness is not the same as trust.  Only God can be fully trusted.  Man will disappoint, fall short and fail.  It is God who provides what we need and protects us.

The enemy is very sly, and will attack in ways that you do not even know.  You will think that you imagined your fear and that it was a groundless warning  more due to chance than to God's wisdom imparted to you.  He specializes in attacking you while dressed as an angel of light.  He is a wolf among sheep.  Make no mistake.  He comes to kill, maim and destroy.  There is no middle ground.  Pay attention when the red flags wave in your spirit.

The enemy is the voice that says, "God is great - but I am greater;  God is powerful, but I am more so; God makes things better, but I know best; God can feed you, but with me you will feast..........  The grass that always looks greener is not real.  It is a mirage.  And after you have succumbed to the lie, he will shame you and condemn you.  He will not offer redemption or forgiveness like our God does...........

It is not too late, to agree with God.  He is a merciful God.  He does not merely dispense mercy, but He IS mercy.  If we will humble ourselves, confess our sins and admit our need for a saviour who is Jesus Christ - God's own Son - He will hear from His holy habitation and will come and save.

Do not be deceived.  God is not mocked.  We will all reap what we have sown whether that be condemnation and punishment or mercy and the removal of our sins.  Bow down before Him and repent.  God is coming soon and He has warned and warned and warned.  It should come as no surprise, but to many it will.  Today hear His voice as He calls your name.  While it is still today, receive Him.  To all those who are weary and heavey laden, come to the Son whose burden is light.
Shalom (may we destroy the power that fuels chaos).  

Be Smart

Is there a weariness setting in on you these days?  Does there seem to be more to tend to than you are capable of, and do you ever get to the end of your list?  I think this is a sign of the times we live in.  I believe that we are in the terminal generation.  You may not agree with me, and you may dismiss that idea altogether.  But one thing is for sure.  The world is changing so fast it makes my head spin.  People are redefining good and evil, and they have thrown out the old morality and brought in one to their liking.  Power in the world is shifting.  Relationship is easily replaced with the fascinating electronic play things, and we don't socialize like we once did.  And I think you would agree that there is a certain power that resides in the world and in the heart of man that is evil.  

I want to encourage you to count the minutes you have in each day, and don't waste any of them.  We are running out of time.  Every day brings us closer to the unknown.  All our efforts have only served to complicate things, and leave us bound to what can only be a place of unimagined dangers.  It has become a world where only "useful" people are valued.  The disabled are discarded.  

Here is the good news:  Each one of us has been chosen to live at this time.  We have all been gifted if we are His children.  We have even been given protective gear.  We are called to battle evil.  Whatever time we have left, there is still time to spend it learning to stay alive in this darkness that can be more felt than seen.  

We must learn to discern at a moment's notice what is most important and what is just important.  I believe one of Satan's tactics here at the end, is to get our attention on the wrong things and miss the opportunities that God has given us.  If Satan can keep us from praying about things of God's choosing, and asking for all the wrong things, then he has defeated us.

And don't think that defeat is not a possibility. We must not coddle any sin and we must know how to listen to Him.  Pray! Ask Him to take you where He would have you go, and encounter those people of His choosing, and put the right words on your tongue.  These are the little things that make us victorious and powerful.  Leave no small thing undone, for it is in the small things that you are proved faithful.  

I wish I could write you a book!  There is so much to say..........  But perhaps this will encourage you and help you in your walk.  I hope so.  We must encourage one another! 

A Parable Just in Time for the Holidays

A Story of Memories and Today
Just in Time for the Holidays




To no one in particular, I voiced this dirge – this melancholy refrain which burdened my heart and relentlessly tore at my soul:


“If there is any Good – any Love – or strength in Truth, come into my heart this morning. Fill me and wipe away all of the empty echoes of the past - where voices of children rang out, when we were all under one roof, when I was strong, and I knew which path to take - when I could fix what hurt, and a simple hug and kiss made it all better............ Come!”, I appealed to the sky above. “Come into my heart this morning. I am too tired to hope they will all come home - that there will be a day when all sadness has faded, and when mistakes are past - when wrongs are undone......... The scars seem as bad as fresh wounds. Hope is dim, and I have grown feeble. Will they ever come home? Some of the mistakes are mine, and some of the blame is mine, though I never meant for it to be so. From a broken woman worn out and consumed by what I cannot erase - I used to be sure that all would work out, that good would prevail, and that no one would be lost............ But here I am, calling them home, with no answer.......... I hear my own voice calling out for the children who are gone........... It seems so bitter now........... Even if they find their way, even if they WANTED to come home, how will the years that are gone, be made up for?


Is there such a thing as a second chance – or a third or fourth? I watched the chickens that were oblivious to my troubles, scratching around in their pen. I loved these birds that did not see beyond the worm just swallowed, or past the brief skirmish which revealed the pecking order. I gave them names. I had watched them hatch from their eggs and fight for freedom from the once safe shell that was a barrier to the world around. When the time came – somehow they knew when to engage in the struggle that was necessary for life. I knew I could not help in this process of birth. It had to be the chick who itself cracked the shell that bound them and broke away from the old to enter the new.


All they would ever know was the coop within the yard where they would spend their lives, enjoying the safety I had provided them. Brief battles between hens and one rooster.............. and he crowing his pride in all that was his.


I have always known that children are like chickens; living out the moment, not concerned with tomorrow. They enjoy the love of the mother hen who calls to her chicks when the shadow of the hawk overhead foretells something dreadful. They obediently run to her, snuggling in close beneath her wings until the danger has passed. The top hen calls out her victories over the lesser hens, and so their battles go.....


I am not a chicken, and my children are not chicks. And they are no longer within range of my voice. But old habits die hard. Forever linked with my kids, I sometimes sense danger and do sound the alarm even from a distance.


The yard is provided by me, as is the chicken coop. Their food is provided by me, and I oversee the relationships between them making sure there is harmony within.


As I am pondering all of this, I begin to imagine that I am perhaps more like a chicken than I think. Although my life has been painful at times and not at all easy, it has been a home for me. I have been protected from some things evil – much that is evil. And there have also been good things – uneventful things.


Twenty two years ago, I began to peck at my shell. Somehow I knew to hope for a better life – that it was time to leave one and enter another. I have broken down impossible walls and pierced through hard places so that I have glimpses of Goodness, Truth and Love.


My shell is Parkinson's Disease. In my battle against it, I must wage my war alone. I find my strength as I battle. I grow and get closer and closer to leaving the pieces and remnants of this shell behind. I know that on the other side of this broken shell, there is Love, Goodness and Truth. But in all honesty, I must admit that when the shell was whole, it too was good. Though I would not have chosen it, there was safety and room to grow – protection from what I was not ready to face.


PD has marked out the boundary lines around me and kept me within certain perameters, for reasons I do not know. But I don't have to know. Goodness, Love and Truth have protected me, and helped to shape me. My shell would not have suited you, nor yours mine. If you look and are willing to see, you will come to the same conclusion. That you are not alone, and you do have what you need to become who you were born to be. When it is the right time, you will break through the last and final piece of eggshell. Grow now where you have been planted. Don't struggle using up all your strength for battles that do not need to be fought. Trust the owner of the chicken coop! He is God, and He is Love. He does not give you an easy birth, but one that will take you from Hope to Love............

I Had a "Moment"

Last night I had a "moment".  I was just so sad............  The whole world is broken ,  I'm broken, you are broken, and those you know are broken.  This globe that we live on has been abused and taken for granted - unappreciated.

In my corner of the world, I see things that just make me despondent.  They are little things to be sure, but much loved, and missed when they are gone.  For instance, the stars..........  We live outside of our small city, and it's rather like country - or at least parts of it.  We used to be able to see the stars so much brighter than they are now.  When I slip out onto the back patio, after dark, where once the tree frogs and other night creatures. sang out, there is silence.  The still quiet of the night that comes from small populations, and the absence of convenience stores is even disappearing.  More and more I hear the rumble of loud engines as cars go by, in place of the lowing of the cow for her calf, or the packs of coyotes that run free.

My daughter is a bee keeper.  I've learned that bees are very docile workers who do really amazing things:  they dance in the hive when they find a good food source and they want to tell the others; they produce and share with us that wonderful food - honey.  They pollinate our flowers and vegetable gardens and without them we could grow no food.  But for some reason, bees are disappearing..... (http://www.motherearthnews.com/homesteading-and-livestock/the-importance-of-beekeeping-zbcz1402.aspx

A person with a disability will look at things differently  than someone who is strong and healthy.  We may be afraid to try new things, or stop doing old familiar things because we cannot depend on our bodies to respond to things in the needed way.

But I will move on from this sad moment.  I don't want to get stuck.  I can do little to change the world, but I can  decide how to live in my little corner..........  and you can too!

Is It Truth or is it Not?

I awoke this morning with a sense of well-being.  You wouldn't think that possible in this world and in this day.  Not only is this a dangerous and  hostile world, but I am disabled, and am a step behind everyone else.  It is getting worse every day, with new acts of violence and new calamities.  I don't have much of a chance at coming out of this in one piece and unharmed.  There are terrible things going on - it is rather like Pandora's box............  It is as if every bad possibility becomes reality.  What IS going on???

My beliefs are not approved or agreed with by the majority of people, and the rights I have always known and enjoyed are crumbling away faster than we can name them.  People around the world are being bullied and even killed for believing the way I do.  And it's not just death for a difference of opinion, but beheading - of children - by throngs of evil men who are led by evil rulers.

Why do I have a sense of well being?  Well it is not that I have faith in a particular outcome in this polluted world.  It is not that I think I will beat this world system.  It's certainly not that I believe man will triumph on the side of good, but I know Who I belong to.  I do know the general outcome of this world that the God of the Bible created, but that is not so much comfort in the moment - every moment.  I know Who I belong to.

If man has proved no other thing, than the fact that he is incapable of good, and in need of a Savior, then that is good.  Our best and most valient efforts have landed us in a world of terrorists with the doors of freedom closing and with no way out.  We need a deliverer.  I think we all  would agree about that.

Well, I know my Deliverer!  I know in whom I have trusted.  As I sit here trying to choose the right words that will convey to you who my Savior is, I am a bit frustrated.  There are no words which I know that will truthfully describe to you Who He is.

Perhaps this one quotation from the Bible will enter your awareness as you read these words, and work its way through your entire being, and become a part of you.  I pray that it does:

"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever  believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life."  John 3:16

Believe and embrace the Truth - be true to it - and it will set you free!  If you cannot tell whether or not you are embracing the real truth, then ask this question:  Does it set you free?  If not, then it is not the truth.

Joy and Trials

James 1:2-4

“Consider it all joy my brethren when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”

I read that the deeper meaning of the word “joy” is to be satisfied. I want to ask you if you are content or satisfied with your lot in life. James says that we should be. In fact, he says that when we encounter rough waters – when we encounter various trials – we are to meet those trials with contentment.

By definition “trials” are sufferings that put strength, patience or faith to the test.

James was talking to fellow BELIEVERS. That's US.

How can we rejoice or be content when we are suffering a trial of some sort? We are not glad to be unhappy – but we celebrate the fact that in the midst of painful, hurtful circumstances – God is there – with us – meeting our needs. The God of the universe has made Himself small enough that He has concerned Himself with and acquainted Himself with MY problems! It's not the problems that matter so much (the problems come and go) but with a sense of wonder I am transported far beyond my trial – and I “see” God holding me up, bending over me, attending me, expressing His tender love for me....

When I say that I 'see”it, it is through the lens of faith. I am believing that God is who He says He says He is and that He loves me the way He says He does. To do this I have to know what the Bible tells me about Him.

Do prepare now for the testing of your strength, faith, and patience by READING the Word. We must first KNOW the Word. Then we BELIEVE that Word. Then we ACT on the truth of that Word. It will feel bad at first. But push through that pain. There is joy unspeakable on the other side of that trial.

As I write this I am reminded of my childhood. Whenever I got sick, my mother would take care of me. She would take care of me. She would feed me delicious meals, medicate me, see that I rested in bed, freshen my sheets every day, and so on. I loved the attention. I didn't like being sick, but I loved the TLC. I think James is telling us this same thing: You don't have to like the trial, but rejoice in your heavenly Father's tender loving care over you.

The Power of Love

Thank You, heavenly Father, for sending Your Son to redeem me.  I can't figure out why You would want me, except that You love me.  You ARE love.
Love is not weak or polite, nor does it wink at sin.  Love is the power and creative genius that made the heavens and the earth and all the creatures in it.  Love not only lifts me up amidst the sorrow and the torment of things gone wrong, but it also crushes the counterfeit of good.  It will obliterate the hypocrisy of disease.
Love is tenacious in it's pursuit of us.  It never gives up as long as there is life and a chance of redemption.  Jesus set His face like a flint towards the cross, and did not shrink back.  At the time appointed, we will see that magnificant power under control.  That's what love is.  It does not cower before anyone, and is obedient only to theTtruth.  Love looks you in the eye and unfalteringly speaks the truth.
My truth today is PD doesn't control me, - like love gone wrong - It attacks me, and like a twisted piece of metal it is a mangled version of life.  But He Who is Truth and Love will prevail.  I will endure to the end of this life that evil has for the present claimed - until the coming of His great great kingdom and the unveiling of His Truth.

We Need a Saviour

People with PD need a Saviour (a Great Physician) !  We are broken and cannot fix ourselves.  We have tried diet, excercise, positive thinking, physical therapy, medicine and surgery, but we still have this affliction.  And it progresses.   This is also our  spiritual condition.  We are sinners.  Even if we figure our sins are minimal and we are not as bad as some others - the truth remains:  We are sinners.  Even if we lived a sinless life from our first moment of birth we would still be sinners in need of a Saviour.  Why?  Because every human being has a sin nature that we are born with.  We are tainted from the beginning.  It is just as impossible to get rid of sin and it's effects, as it would be to heal myself of PD.  We are utterly powerless.
As Believers, we have allowed Jesus Christ to pay for all our sin and then to cleanse us from every particle of it in our lives.
I have had a transforming and life-giving surgery that has gotten rid of many symptoms of this disease. This was arranged by God.  I have been "saved".  Spiritually speaking Jesus Christ has come as the Great Physician into my life and saved me from certain spiritual death.  Some people (many in fact) refuse this wonderful gift, (spiritually speaking) and stubbornly continue to refuse help as they weaken and lose their abilities.  That would be like me telling the neuro-surgeon:  thanks for your offer of a better life, but frankly I'm going to decline your offer to help me - to make life wonderful.  I'd rather die.
As Believers, we have accepted the Saviour's beautiful gift.  We could not have earned what it took to pay for all the sin in our lives, but He opened the Book of Accounts, and marked in the space beside my name - PAID IN FULL
DEBT CANCELED
PAID BY THE SAVIOUR
 Thank You, heavenly Father, for Your priceless gift!

I Have Learned What is Most Important

I'm sixty years old.  Sometimes I feel every bit of that plus more........and other times I feel what I'm guessing normal may feel like.  Of course having had this disease for over 20 years now, I don't guess I really know what normal feels like.  Whatever.  But what I want to say is that PD (monster that it is)  has taught me different values - better ones.  Before, I depended upon the temporal parts of me.  Like my youthful appearance, my size 2 body, the gift of grace on a  horse - the way I looked and the way I carried myself.  I also developed character and tried to always be kind and generous among other things, but now that I don't have that young face and body, or those graces, I have had to realize that skin deep isn't good enough.  I want to be good and strong, honest and faithful, loyal and loving.........  What I cannot do physically any more, is a temptation to insecurity.  There are no approving glances or admiration at my physical skills.  Instead I am clumsy and slow.
But, do you know - this is why I have learned what is most important.  It takes courage to face the world with less than everybody else has.  When you step outside your secret world, it forces you to call up the strength you never thought you had.  It encourages you to be forgiving and patient with others, because you know you are taxing on people at times.  You learn to reject embarassment over meaningless things like inability to use a fork correctly, or hold a tea cup without trembling.  These problems force me to grow past the things that I will leave behind when I leave this earth.
I will never love PD.  But I am a different person than before.  I am a better, deeper person.  I am less interested in SELF and far more interested in you.  Life with PD has called forth my best efforts and taught me to notice the little things, because I can't do what I once thought were the big things.
I hope that one day, I will meet you..........  I wonder what you think of life with PD, or just plain life...........  And I want to say, that it takes grace - and lots of it - to move through life with a broken body.  I think you must be beautiful..........and one day I hope I will meet you.

Shepherd King Part 9

The Shepherd King

Part 9

Hours later, aware that I was not alone, - I saw it, - but I wasn't sure if it saw me. The moon was full and cast deep shadows that were in stark contrast to to the bright light surrounding them. Into my line of vision came a creature like a wolf, that was jet black and shaggy with tangled fur and red eyes, as tall as a large pony. Upon its back sat a creature – I don't know what. It's teeth were long and sharp. It had a stench that reached my nostrils almost before I saw it.

Then in an instant I knew that it was aware of me. With eyes narrowing to slits, it threw back it's head and screamed a blood curdling warning to its companions who couldn't have been far behind it. Its steed was pulling at the reins, eager to pounce and the creature pulled out a sword and pointed it in my direction. I could hear the galloping monsters behind it nearing my line of vision. The first one began speaking evil words that though I did not understand them, made chills run up and down my spine. The words had harsh sounds and the voice that delivered them seemed to come from the depths of its cold heart.

I waited until it seemed the last one had rounded the bend, and I could wait no longer...... I called to the scorpions, commanding them to attack and kill these evil beings. They appeared to glide out from under the rocks in endless waves, covering all, stinging until there was no life left in those frightful bodies.

I was nearing Parkinson's Disease and the closer I got to it, the worse my wounds became. The town itself was set in a valley where bare rock could be seen, and shallow depressions of dirt were scattered at random as far as one could see. Only the spindly weeds were able to scratch out a life and draw some form of nourishment from the otherwise barren place.

An old woman approached me, with head down and bent over. Her voice was weak, so I had to strain to listen to what she said.

“You must be the new person. We have been expecting you.” Pointing to a dilapidated old shack (not unlike the other houses in the vicinity)she began shuffling towards it. This is where you will stay.” There was no mention of a departure time, and my heart sank as I drew nearer to it. I couldn't help but think of the differences between this scrappy lean-to and the wonderful safe houses where help had come to me in the past.

“Your assignment is to pray. All distractions have been taken away from you so that you can devote all of your time to prayer.”

“What will I pray about?” I asked.

“You will pray for our people (others who also pray) and you will pray them through hard places and to be protected from the dark ones. The Shepherd King will tell you as you go........”.

She turned and made her way to a large house where others were also going. She motioned for me to follow. When I entered this house, I saw that they were praying with one accord – one mind – one heart. I joined in with them, and so the days went. I also prayed much by myself. At last the day came when I could not even carry my backpack or walk without assistance. I cried out to the Shepherd King unceasingly. I wanted Him to heal me, and I knew that He could......... But I had never seen a person healed, so there was much turmoil within me. My heart was so sad......... I no longer knew

the joy of movement. I felt I was nearing death. I had served my time in the forces of the Shepherd King. On the last stretch of this journey, I wept tears of sadness, of loss of hope..........

One day during my quiet time of prayer, suddenly I heard a man's voice – a wonderful voice. Full of compassion and care, He lifted me in His arms. He was so strong. Together – in His strength – we crossed the threshold of the door leading outside, and He found a tree where He could prop me up. He knelt down before me, and swept my hair back from my face. He looked deeply into my eyes. There was wisdom and love on His face and even in His hands. Who WAS this man?

“Do you know who I am?” He asked. I confessed that I did not, though He seemed strangely familiar – as if I had known Him a long time. I am He who protected you from the fiery arrows in enemy attacks . I am the Healer of your wounds, and I carried you when you could not walk. I rescued you from the tangle of thorns. I am He of many names and I have billions of Messengers – some of whom have I sent to your aid. I am the Defeater of Demons, and the Scorpions and Snakes obey me. I am the author of the Book of Life and I have helped you to understand the wisdom contained within its pages. I sent my servants to share their food with you. I am the One with authority over giants and the one who shielded you from their attack. I am the lowly Shepherd King

who rules.  I am also the Giver of Gifts, and I have one for you.

It is many moons since then. But I remember it very well. It was not the kind of gift you can put in a box and wrap. It wasn't exactly the kind of gift that could be seen – at least not directly. There were no bright colors with shine-y paper foils, and no bows. It was spectacular all the same. It was wondrous yet has been passed over by men who could not see it's worth – men who did not dream – whose thoughts went no further than their eyes could see. Hidden treasure it was – pure gold – so pure – transparent like a bottomless crystal...... It was all new to me– never before imagined, yet it is older than the stars. Fluid - like sparkling water – definable yet eternal. It was not to be found in the window of a store or on someone's wish list. No one had ever dreamed how huge this tiny gift would be – how it would bring healing and guidance; how it would open eyes and ears.

Older than the stars, but new to me, He gave me a Word...........a new Word, that only I know). He has called me into a place of partial healing for now; and one day it will be complete. I wait with a holy anticipation. The Shepherd King has given me His Word that these things are true.

My Shepherd King has been here with me all the time . And, lo He always will be there.

The Shepherd King Part 5

The Shepherd King

Part 5

I held the pages in my hand and began to read..........

“There is a King of old. He has many different names. He has countless angels who do His bidding. He is Love, and guides His own in the ways of Truth. He is a Shepherd – a Good Shepherd. He leads His flocks of sheep from pasture to pasture. There are always valleys to traverse, and sometimes enemies on every side, but He is strong and good. And He protects His own. You must walk in His ways and accept all that He allows in your life – the good and the bad, for He knows best.

You may be tempted to turn from following Him – but don't. Trust me. In the end you will be glad. You must be an overcomer.

I put these pages in my book with the other instructions. I got back on the path and started walking. It was rather uneventful until I turned to look behind, thinking I heard something strange. I saw nothing out of the ordinary, but I took a step without looking and fell into a pit and felt a sharp pain in my ankle. The pit was deep enough that I couldn't get out. The sun was beginning to go down and I knew what that meant. I tried to stand but fell back, unable to put any weight on my injured ankle. I cried as I took in my situation.

It surely did feel like the King didn't care. “He's giving me more than I can handle.” I thought. And just when I thought I had reached my limit, I heard a sickening sound....... coming from the corner of the pit. It was a hisssss. Snakes! “What will I do now?”

I started calling for help frantically. Then I saw a welcome sight: a head peeking over the edge of the pit, looking down at me. “Haloooooooo down there. Are you hurt? I'll drop a rope down so that you can tie it around your waist and I'll pull you up. Name's Dave – short for David.” The rope was tied to the horn of the saddle that was on the horse that slowly backed up until I was out of the pit. Once I was safely back on the trail, I looked him over. An unlikely sight to see. He wore a cowboy hat and faded jeans with a belt buckle as big as his fist. With a bandana tied around his neck, he wore chaps that were fairly well broken in, and boots with spurs that jingled when he walked. But seeing that I couldn't walk on my ankle, he picked me up, carried me to the side of the road where quick as a wink he pushed on the knotty bump of a tree, a door opened,and here was another safehouse!

Inside he found a first aid kit and wrapped my ankle which was swelling. He opened his backpack, pulling out a piece of bread with cheese – and an apple and gave it to me. He wore a smile on his weathered face and his eyes were kind – like the shepherd.

“Where are you headed?” he asked.

“To the town of Parkinson's Disease.” I replied.

He shook his head and whistled through his teeth, then said, “I hear tell that's a mean town. It's so polluted that there's no tellin' how your body will react. Dangerous too. The people are poor and unhappy. There's not much they can do for themselves.“ I hope you don't catch nuthin' - like their disease.”

Since I couldn't walk he mounted his horse and pulled me up to sit behind him. The horse's gait was very smooth. I held onto the back of the saddle. Curious to know, I asked, “What is your horse's name?”

“Abraham.” he answered, because he'll be the first of many. I'm hoping to breed him to my mares back home and have a mess o colts with his superior confirmation and sweet disposition. He's smart too.”

“Say, I can take you a few miles closer to Parkinson's Disease but I can't go much farther.”

“That's so kind of you. Thank you for the kindness you have shown me.” I said. We headed on down the road. I thought that though on the one hand, he was not at all like the shepherd or the man who rescued me from those demons (was he an angel?), on the other hand they were the same..................

The Shepherd King Part 4

The Shepherd King

Part 4

The Shepherd King had planted hope in my heart, when I had commited to serve Him for the rest of my life. Fueled by the fires of faith, this hope glowed like a lantern within me. The glow that it made held back some enemies, but signaled others of my presence, and made me an easy target. Nevertheless, we were all to let our lights shine and not conceal them.

Night time was the worst. There were usually demons prowling about. On this night there was no moon, so though I should have searched for shelter, I instead pressed on, wanting to hurry through this difficult path that was laid out before me. Accidently I stepped into a patch of thorns. These brambles and bushes closed in around me, digging into my arms and face, cutting into my skin like needles. The more I struggled, the deeper they cut.

Drawn to the commotion, these black devils - one or two at a time - drew near. Eyes shining – a pale green – and drooling in anticipation of the kill, they drew so near that I could smell the scent of their abode clinging to their scaley and leathery black bodies – the unmistakeable odor of sulpher. Growling and screaming like a hyena, they drew nearer, leaving the sounds to echo behind them.

The thorns - giving off an herb with a paralyzing effect, began to incapacitate me, (though my terror was not dulled). With only moments left until they were upon me, I mustered all the strength I had left and called upon the Shepherd King in a loud voice.

Instantly there was a blinding flash of light, and in that tiny segment of time, demons were blown backwards, cursing and yelling. From the jumble of bodies they retreated back into the night.

A very tall, very large man – well built – with a kind face, brandishing a sword turned towards me and gently started pulling me loose from the thorns. I drifted into unconsciousness. When I awoke, I found myself in a hiding place, not unlike the first one where I had refreshed at the beginning of my journey.

I sat up looking around and saw only some pages atop the table. Curious, I crossed the small room, picked them up and began to read..........

In the Service of the Shephard King - Part 2

Shepherd King

Part 2

The road I was to follow was set out straight before me, though it was narrow. There was no turning to the right or to the left. But very early in my life of battles, the road narrowed so much that I didn't think it was passable. It had pot holes and rocks with thorns, and from the thick forest of trees - overhanging branches. There were biting flies and gnats, and even snakes. I couldn't believe that this was the way, so I checked out a side road that seemed to have several alternate routes branching away from the main – all very broad and easily traveled. There were even signs that read “Greener Pastures”, “Easy Street”, “Name it and Claim it”, “Just Have Faith” and “Positive Thinking”.

I headed for the easy way, but just as I was to set my foot down, a gate that I had not noticed slammed shut and barred my entrance to every single side road. There was only one way to go.

I looked back at the narrow way, and then I saw it........ On the side of the road, there was a sign. It read: “Parkinson's Disease; 50 Miles”. This did not penetrate my brain at first. Surely I read it wrong. What good could possibly come from going through this dreadful town? I wasn't prepared for this. I decided to turn back and go the way I came to the shelter from which I had come, but at that moment there was an avalanche of gravel and rocks and boulders that I couldn't possible have gotten through. And so with a heavy heart, I sat on a large boulder, trying to calm my fears and quiet my mind.

My shield had been damaged by the falling rocks. It wasn't long before my enemies saw this also. Out of every bush and from behind every turn in the road, flaming arrows whizzed. They began to yell out lies to me: You cannot make it down this road to the end; The King could have stopped this from happening, so He must not love you or be powerful enough to provide another way. The King couldn't be real. He is cruel. You have broken his rules too many times and now you can't be forgiven. You did something terrible to deserve this. It's your own fault.  You don't have enough faith..........

I crumpled down onto the ground, unable to stand.

It was at that moment that someone shielded me from any further woundings from the arrows. He wrapped his body around me so that the arrows hit him instead of me. He lifted me up and carried me to the side of the road where there was a door I had not seen before. And he carried me in, shutting the door behind us.

In the Service of the Shepherd King

Part 1

The battle outside was raging. It's not as bad as it's going to get though. Things are going to escalate. These clashes with the enemy are precurser to the war. I am tired nevertheless, and feeling the need for rest and food, warmth and safety where it seems not to be found.

But our King and Lord – the Good Shepherd - has provided respite in the midst of all Hell breaking loose. He can be found everywhere. The desperate cry of His soldiers always reaches His ears, and brings them into the safety of hidden places – places that the enemy cannot see or find. They are caves perfectly camaflouged and nestled in between the rolling foothills. They are sheepfolds hidden in plain sight in the fields frequented by lowly shepherds - where the King lays His body across the only door. His soldiers are safe within those walls – for now.

I enter the cave and am welcomed by the sight and delicious smells of an early morning feast on a plain table in the center of the room. The room is dimly lit by a warm light emanating from the candles set upon the table. I do not see anyone else, but feel the presence of the Shepherd King's servants. I enjoy the fragrance of coffee freshly made and poured into the mug that warms my hands as they are cupped around it – steam rising....... My hunger is awakened at the sight and smell of bacon and eggs with buttered toast and jam. There is a bowl of luscious fruit in small bite sized pieces that nevertheless drip down my chin as I eat. There are fried potatoes and other delicacies. I eat my fill, and I am refreshed. But I am also sleepy. There is a warm bed in the corner of the room, inviting me to rest.......... I had scarcely pulled the warm blankets up, sinking deep into the feather bed, when sleep overtook me. I think I dreamnt of green pastures and still waters – crystal clear. There were valleys in my dreams but always the Shepherd King led me safely through them.

I slept until my body was strengthened and refreshed – maybe for days. My armor, had been taken from me and shined and polished until it gleamed. Again, I am conscious of the servants of the Shepherd King. They are silent but benevolent. I am helped by these silent giants as I take up my breastplate and shield; my shoes and helmet; my belt and my sword............ Once more the table is set with a wonderful array of food, and I eat. I can feel His warm presence. He quiets my heart and feeds my spirit. He has left a small book for me. In it, the King has left instructions for me. I am to go out while it is still dark. I am to have my sword in hand before I open the door and step out. His words fill my mind. My shield will deflect the arrows that burn. I am to sing praises to Him as I walk. Everywhere my voice can be heard, so goes His light and the enemy dare not approach!