Today I thought I would begin to share my story with you in small increments, so let's stop time for a bit and travel backwards. I was thirty-something (I am now 58), and married with four children, living in Texas.
My life being about my family, it was easy not to think of myself or my problems, but it became obvious there was something wrong with me. At first, the slight inconvenience of a body that sometimes and in small ways did not behave as it should, was troublesome, but could quickly be packed up into a thought that I stored at the back of my mind. It was easy to ignore.
The first thing I noticed was a slight clumsiness in my left hand. Also, when I walked, my arm wasn't swinging as it should have. Clapping my hands was an effort. Before long my right hand began to feel clumsy as well. They were small things really that I couldn't do...like picking up a coin, or buttoning my shirt; but things neverless that I should have been able to do without difficulty.
So, I started going to doctors to find out what was wrong. They tested for MS, for copper in my eyes, for pinched nerves in my neck and other things. For a year and a half, no one could diagnose my problem.
Finally, I was sent to a noted neurologist at Columbia University in New York city and I was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease. I took this news in quietly but it all seemed unreal to me. I had always been healthy, strong and physically fit. Now all of that was to change..............
Monday, March 12, 2012
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Making Use of the Quiet Time
I wondered what I should write about. My mind is headed in ten different directions. I'm reading, writing and texting - but probably not doing any of it well.
My husband's band has a gig tonight so it's quiet. It's a good night to pray. When I was younger I worked so hard and there was never an empty moment. I'm glad that now I have time for study, prayer and reflection.
It's through prayer that mountains are moved and courage is found. It's what I do. It's my gift to the world. It's one way of loving the people in my life. That's one thing nothing can take from me. So let the winds blow and anxiety come.... Let my plans fall through and silence arrive. Tomorrow somebody's mountain will be leveled and somewhere courage has replaced a weak heart.
My husband's band has a gig tonight so it's quiet. It's a good night to pray. When I was younger I worked so hard and there was never an empty moment. I'm glad that now I have time for study, prayer and reflection.
It's through prayer that mountains are moved and courage is found. It's what I do. It's my gift to the world. It's one way of loving the people in my life. That's one thing nothing can take from me. So let the winds blow and anxiety come.... Let my plans fall through and silence arrive. Tomorrow somebody's mountain will be leveled and somewhere courage has replaced a weak heart.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Give God His Due
Do you ever forget to give God His due? Do you find yourself leaving prayer until the very last thing? Do you take you doctor's word about your condition and forget that there is a bigger power at work behind him?
Let's think on this for a minute. I'm a firm believer in healing through doctors, but that's only part of the story. I'm aware that an authority much bigger than a man is behind all my doctor does.
Who made my doctor and gave him the brilliant mind and the skilled hands of a surgeon that knows what to do for me? Who allowed man to discover new technologies and new drugs to treat my condition? Who directed the circumstances in my life so that I was in the right place at the right time and with the right people that healing could come through certain channels?
Do you have insurance to help pay for these medical procedures? Thank God. There are some who do not. Are you in better condition with the doctor's help than you would be without him? Thank God. Is there someone in your life who loves you despite your problems? Thank God. Are you alone and without anyone? Thank God. Wait a minute, did I read that right? Yes, because when there is no human love or help God does not leave us. He still cares for us.
Look at God's provision for the widow in 2 Kings 4:1-7:
"Now a certain woman of the wives of the sons of the prophets cried out to Elisha, 'Your servant my husband is dead, and you know that your servant feared the Lord; and the creditor has come to take my two children to be his slaves.' And Elisha said to her, 'What shall I do for you? Tell me, what do you have in the house?' And she said, 'Your maidservant has nothing in the house except a jar of oil.' Then he said, 'Go, borrow vessels at large for yourself from all your neighbors, even empty vessels; do not get a few. And you shall go in and shut the door behind you and your sons, and pour out into all these vessels; and you shall set aside what is full.' So she went from him and shut the door behind her and her sons; they were bringing the vessels to her and she poured. And it came about when the vessels were full, that she said to her son, 'Bring me another vessel.' And he said to her, 'There is not one vessel more.' And the oil stopped. Then she came and told the man of God. And he said, 'Go, sell the oil and pay your debt, and you and your sons can live on the rest.'"
God is behind every good thing in your life. He can bring good out of every bad thing in your life. Look to His hand for what you need and thank Him however He brings good into your life.
Let's think on this for a minute. I'm a firm believer in healing through doctors, but that's only part of the story. I'm aware that an authority much bigger than a man is behind all my doctor does.
Who made my doctor and gave him the brilliant mind and the skilled hands of a surgeon that knows what to do for me? Who allowed man to discover new technologies and new drugs to treat my condition? Who directed the circumstances in my life so that I was in the right place at the right time and with the right people that healing could come through certain channels?
Do you have insurance to help pay for these medical procedures? Thank God. There are some who do not. Are you in better condition with the doctor's help than you would be without him? Thank God. Is there someone in your life who loves you despite your problems? Thank God. Are you alone and without anyone? Thank God. Wait a minute, did I read that right? Yes, because when there is no human love or help God does not leave us. He still cares for us.
Look at God's provision for the widow in 2 Kings 4:1-7:
"Now a certain woman of the wives of the sons of the prophets cried out to Elisha, 'Your servant my husband is dead, and you know that your servant feared the Lord; and the creditor has come to take my two children to be his slaves.' And Elisha said to her, 'What shall I do for you? Tell me, what do you have in the house?' And she said, 'Your maidservant has nothing in the house except a jar of oil.' Then he said, 'Go, borrow vessels at large for yourself from all your neighbors, even empty vessels; do not get a few. And you shall go in and shut the door behind you and your sons, and pour out into all these vessels; and you shall set aside what is full.' So she went from him and shut the door behind her and her sons; they were bringing the vessels to her and she poured. And it came about when the vessels were full, that she said to her son, 'Bring me another vessel.' And he said to her, 'There is not one vessel more.' And the oil stopped. Then she came and told the man of God. And he said, 'Go, sell the oil and pay your debt, and you and your sons can live on the rest.'"
God is behind every good thing in your life. He can bring good out of every bad thing in your life. Look to His hand for what you need and thank Him however He brings good into your life.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
For You, Juju!
Whenever I think of the future, a cloud of uncertainty sails in, casting a shadow over all my thoughts. What degree of disability will I be dealing with? What will I still be able to do? Will I still have just as many friends? Or will everyone have run out of patience with me? Will I be more uncomfortable than I am now? Who will help me when I run out of strength?
Even if we could answer all of those questions, we wouldn't be able to stop the progression of this disease. We can worry 'til the cows come home, but we'll only compound our misery and probably our aches and pains too. We need to avoid this kind of stress. Easy to say!
But if we engage in worry over what we cannot control, then we have openned the door to Fear and all of its cousins - Self Pity, Despair, Hopelessness, Self-Centeredness and more.
When fearful thoughts come marching through your head, replace them with the truth. And the truth is this:
If you are a Believer in the God of the Bible and in His only Son, Jesus, then you know you belong to Him. You know He loves you. You are His, therefore He will strengthen you when your strength runs out. He will comfort you when you're broken-hearted. He will guide you when you don't know the way. When the devil goes to work on you, the Lord will contend with him. He will not forget you even when you forget him. His nail scarred hands are a constant visible reminder to Him that you are His. He decides how many days you will live on this earth and nothing can touch you unless He allows it. And if He allows it - there's a reason.
He never promised us earthly wealth and ease of living. He never said there would be no troubles. What He said was that we would never have to endure - for a single moment - ANYTHING - without Him. We will never have to go ANYWHERE without Him. He never leaves us without promises of deliverance at ANY TIME. What you don't know... HE does.
Trust Him to get you through to the end of your days. Here is His promise:
"I have bourne you from birth, carried you since the womb. Till your old age I will be the same - I will carry you until your hair is white. I have made you and I will bear you; yes, I will carry and save you." (Isaiah 46:3-4
Even if we could answer all of those questions, we wouldn't be able to stop the progression of this disease. We can worry 'til the cows come home, but we'll only compound our misery and probably our aches and pains too. We need to avoid this kind of stress. Easy to say!
But if we engage in worry over what we cannot control, then we have openned the door to Fear and all of its cousins - Self Pity, Despair, Hopelessness, Self-Centeredness and more.
When fearful thoughts come marching through your head, replace them with the truth. And the truth is this:
If you are a Believer in the God of the Bible and in His only Son, Jesus, then you know you belong to Him. You know He loves you. You are His, therefore He will strengthen you when your strength runs out. He will comfort you when you're broken-hearted. He will guide you when you don't know the way. When the devil goes to work on you, the Lord will contend with him. He will not forget you even when you forget him. His nail scarred hands are a constant visible reminder to Him that you are His. He decides how many days you will live on this earth and nothing can touch you unless He allows it. And if He allows it - there's a reason.
He never promised us earthly wealth and ease of living. He never said there would be no troubles. What He said was that we would never have to endure - for a single moment - ANYTHING - without Him. We will never have to go ANYWHERE without Him. He never leaves us without promises of deliverance at ANY TIME. What you don't know... HE does.
Trust Him to get you through to the end of your days. Here is His promise:
"I have bourne you from birth, carried you since the womb. Till your old age I will be the same - I will carry you until your hair is white. I have made you and I will bear you; yes, I will carry and save you." (Isaiah 46:3-4
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Waiting on You
Good morning! The sky is blue where I am and the temperature is almost warm compared to what is normal for this time of year. My bones and joints are so thankful for this unusual winter.
How are you, my Readers? I would love to hear from you. Tell me what pressing issues are on your heart. Sometimes it helps to share your sorrows. Sometimes it helps others to listen to your sorrows.
I'd like to try something different here. Would you let me know what you would like me to address? YOU start the conversation this morning and I will reply to you. I will wait to hear from you!
How are you, my Readers? I would love to hear from you. Tell me what pressing issues are on your heart. Sometimes it helps to share your sorrows. Sometimes it helps others to listen to your sorrows.
I'd like to try something different here. Would you let me know what you would like me to address? YOU start the conversation this morning and I will reply to you. I will wait to hear from you!
Monday, February 13, 2012
Drink It In
Do you ever start your day one step behind where you ought to be? Maybe you didn't sleep well, and you have unresolved issues on your mind. You don't know what to do, or where to go or who to talk to about them. Last night your heart was breaking and so it is this morning. You may be disappointed or hurt by a family member or someone within your circle of friends (even a Believer). Your heart and mind ache. Your body aches. You're tired and without energy.
If you have ever felt this way you are in good company. Let's consider the prayer of the psalmist. Join with us in this prayer:
Psalm 55
“Give ear to my prayer, O God; and do not hide Thyself from my supplication. Give heed to me, and answer me; I am restless in my complaint and am surely distracted, because of the voice of the enemy, because of the pressure of the wicked; for they bring down trouble upon me, and in anger they bear a grudge against me.
My heart is in anguish within me, and the terrors of death have fallen upon me. Fear and trembling come upon me; and horror has overwhelmed me. And I said, 'Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest. I would lodge in the wilderness. I would hasten to my place of refuge from the stormy wind and tempest.
Confuse, O Lord, divide their tongues, for I have seen violence and strife in the city. Day and night they go around her upon her walls; and iniquity and mischief are in her midst; oppression and deceit do not depart from her streets. For it is not an enemy who reproaches me. Then I could bear it; nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me, then I could hide myself from him. But it is you, a man my equal, my companion and my familiar friend. We who had sweet fellowship together, walked in the house of God in the throng....
I shall call upon God, and the Lord will save me. Evening and morning and at noon, I will complain and murmur, and He will hear my voice. He will redeem my soul in peace from the battle which is against me. For they are many who strive with me.....
Cast your burden upon the Lord, and He will sustain you. He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.... I will trust in Thee.”
You have battle fatigue, Believer. Enter His rest. Feed yourself with Scripture this morning. Concentrate on who He is (look at Jesus' words) and what He has done for you. Don't worry right now about what your part is. You are weary. Drink in His unmerited favor. Enjoy His very good gifts to you this morning. Every day with PD (or whatever your burden) has plenty of trouble. Go to Him and expect His grace, strength, and courage to settle down into you. It's what He longs to give you.
If you have ever felt this way you are in good company. Let's consider the prayer of the psalmist. Join with us in this prayer:
Psalm 55
“Give ear to my prayer, O God; and do not hide Thyself from my supplication. Give heed to me, and answer me; I am restless in my complaint and am surely distracted, because of the voice of the enemy, because of the pressure of the wicked; for they bring down trouble upon me, and in anger they bear a grudge against me.
My heart is in anguish within me, and the terrors of death have fallen upon me. Fear and trembling come upon me; and horror has overwhelmed me. And I said, 'Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest. I would lodge in the wilderness. I would hasten to my place of refuge from the stormy wind and tempest.
Confuse, O Lord, divide their tongues, for I have seen violence and strife in the city. Day and night they go around her upon her walls; and iniquity and mischief are in her midst; oppression and deceit do not depart from her streets. For it is not an enemy who reproaches me. Then I could bear it; nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me, then I could hide myself from him. But it is you, a man my equal, my companion and my familiar friend. We who had sweet fellowship together, walked in the house of God in the throng....
I shall call upon God, and the Lord will save me. Evening and morning and at noon, I will complain and murmur, and He will hear my voice. He will redeem my soul in peace from the battle which is against me. For they are many who strive with me.....
Cast your burden upon the Lord, and He will sustain you. He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.... I will trust in Thee.”
You have battle fatigue, Believer. Enter His rest. Feed yourself with Scripture this morning. Concentrate on who He is (look at Jesus' words) and what He has done for you. Don't worry right now about what your part is. You are weary. Drink in His unmerited favor. Enjoy His very good gifts to you this morning. Every day with PD (or whatever your burden) has plenty of trouble. Go to Him and expect His grace, strength, and courage to settle down into you. It's what He longs to give you.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
A Call to Prayer
Anxiety......., anger..........., fear..........., confusion......, loss of hope........ Let's be honest. We all experience these "ungodyly" feelings. When these feelings come, do you try to hide them or talk yourself out of them? Do you wonder if people will get a wrong idea of God when it's apparent that you are struggling with these feelings? After all, shouldn't a Believer have enough faith in God that we don't experience doubt or waver in our confidence in Him?
The answer, is NO. When a new day stretches before you, filled with obstacles that you cannot hurdle; when you are terrified; when you know that you must depend on someone else to tend to your basic needs; when you are bowed down with sorrow because you can't do even the simplest task; when all you want to do is cry....... be honest. Tell God about it. These feelings are indicative of a big problem. One that you don't know how to solve. But stop just a moment and think about this: these feelings are also a call to prayer. Take these heartaches to God. King David did this. He certainly didn't hide them, but in fact wrote songs about his troubles!
Today we read of his godly reaction to trouble. He didn't pretend he had no problems so he would be a better witness before the nation. He didn't believe in speaking only the positive. He let all the world see that His God is not only merciful and forgiving, but bigger than any sin David could committ. He let these emotions lead Him to prayer. See how David deals with these hurdles in his life as he cries to the Lord (Psalm 28:1):
"To you I call, O Lord my Rock; do not turn a deaf ear to me. For if you remain silent, I will be like those who have gone down to the pit. Hear my cry for mercy as I call to you for help."
Your feelings of being overwhelmed are Jesus knocking at your door. In Revelation 3:20 He puts it like this: "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him and he with me". He's saying bring your troubles to Me. And when He says ,"I will come in and eat with him and he with me", He is remembering His covenant with you, Believer! Did you know that part of being in covenant with someone is that you take on their enemies and they take on yours. And when you run out of strength, mine will strengthen you.
When troubles come and overwhelming feelings knock at your door, open the door to Jesus. Let Him in. He will deal with what you cannot. Believer,He waits for you......
The answer, is NO. When a new day stretches before you, filled with obstacles that you cannot hurdle; when you are terrified; when you know that you must depend on someone else to tend to your basic needs; when you are bowed down with sorrow because you can't do even the simplest task; when all you want to do is cry....... be honest. Tell God about it. These feelings are indicative of a big problem. One that you don't know how to solve. But stop just a moment and think about this: these feelings are also a call to prayer. Take these heartaches to God. King David did this. He certainly didn't hide them, but in fact wrote songs about his troubles!
Today we read of his godly reaction to trouble. He didn't pretend he had no problems so he would be a better witness before the nation. He didn't believe in speaking only the positive. He let all the world see that His God is not only merciful and forgiving, but bigger than any sin David could committ. He let these emotions lead Him to prayer. See how David deals with these hurdles in his life as he cries to the Lord (Psalm 28:1):
"To you I call, O Lord my Rock; do not turn a deaf ear to me. For if you remain silent, I will be like those who have gone down to the pit. Hear my cry for mercy as I call to you for help."
Your feelings of being overwhelmed are Jesus knocking at your door. In Revelation 3:20 He puts it like this: "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him and he with me". He's saying bring your troubles to Me. And when He says ,"I will come in and eat with him and he with me", He is remembering His covenant with you, Believer! Did you know that part of being in covenant with someone is that you take on their enemies and they take on yours. And when you run out of strength, mine will strengthen you.
When troubles come and overwhelming feelings knock at your door, open the door to Jesus. Let Him in. He will deal with what you cannot. Believer,He waits for you......
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