Many times I have felt so alone in the dark side of PD. At these times I was assailed with sad and negative thoughts, and unable to fight them off. And it makes it even harder to realize that there is no one around who understands... no one to help bear the burden.... When I would find myself in this state of mind and heart, I found relief in the Scriptures.
I read the 22nd Psalm and meditated on it. It is a prophetic psalm written about 1,000 years before Christ was crucified. It foretold His death on the cross and tells us what He was thinking as He hung there. Though we will never know the torment He suffered, we can identify with some of how He felt. Here is a verse or two: "I am a worm and not a man. A reproach of men and despised by the people." (vs.6) He felt so low, that He compared Himself to a worm, and I'm fairly certain that like me, you have had times when you felt that low. Let me share with you what I found out about this, and after you have heard me out, I think you will agree that we have much to be thankful for, and every reason to be lifted up and out of our pain and suffering.
The word in Hebrew it is specifically a female worm called the "crimson worm". She helps us to understand our Lord Jesus and what He really did on that cross. The first thing she does is to climb the tree of her own free will. Nobody forces her to do so. Jesus got on the cross of His own free will. Like Jesus, the crimson worm knows she will not come back down alive. She is going to birth a family and to do that she must die. Jesus was willing to die on the cross to birth a family.
I will quote from an article by Calvin Ray Evans:
"Once on the tree, the crimson worm then attaches itself to the tree. It makes sure it is secure because the body of the worm will eventually be the shelter for the young, which are born. Remember, it was not nails that held our Savior to the cross. It was love! That same love and broken body of our Lord is the protection for us against all the winds of heresy and unbelief of the ages. The worm will then lay its eggs and shelter them under her body.
During the birthing process, she secretes a crimson fluid or gel. The scarlet fluid covers her entire body and all the eggs she lays. It also leaves a stain on the tree, which will never fade away with the passing of time! The blood of Jesus stained Him, the cross and all of us, which are saved! The blood will never lose its power!
After dying to birth the family, something amazing takes place. For a period of three days the worm can be scraped from the tree and the crimson get can be used to make a dye. That dye was the same which was used in the tabernacle and in the garments of the High Priest.
On the morning of the fourth day, the worm has pulled the head and tail together and is now in the shape of a heart on the tree but it is no longer crimson. It is now a wax, which is white as snow. They can still harvest the wax and use it to make shellac, a preservative of wood. Praise God for the resurrection, which serves as the preservative of the message of the cross.
The crimson worm is also very fragrant when it is crushed. No other life in history has sweetened the pathway of humanity like the crimson worm who was crushed for our sin, Jesus.
In my study, I also was blessed to discover the crushed worm is also used to make medicine. Oh bless His Name! He is the healer of our diseases! He is the only one that has the power to break the curse of sin and save our soul from destruction.
I do not believe for one moment it was a mistake that He called Himself a worm! He is the Crimson Worm who dies and was crushed for you."
Can anything else matter as much? Does this give you perspective? He not only knows how you feel, He died on the cross to save you, and He foretold it all 1,000 years earlier!
When dark thoughts come crowding in, send them away and fill your mind with the beautiful Truth!