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Monday, July 5, 2010

What I Really Need

With the loss of independence due to a diseased or broken body, comes a whole list of things you can no longer do. Now someone else has to do for you, what you once did without even thinking. It could be that you need help tying your shoes, or turning over in bed or you may need assistance walking which means you will also need help fetching things like a glass of water. Showering can become an exhausting cooperative effort involving a spouse. It could be many different things.
Because you are fighting the battle of your life, you also need emotional boosting. Whether you like it or not, you become very needy and unhappy. Someone has to care for you. That's a job no one wants to sign up for. It takes the patience of Job, the heart of God, and all the strength one can muster. That combined with the fact that it is a position that drains whoever this job falls to, and more than likely is against their will, makes for miserable people.
I remember clearly knowing that I was anything but a joy to be around, and at the same time feeling neglected and abandoned.
I came face to face with unmet needs and had to reconcile that with trusting God and believing that He loved me.
Other people cannot meet every need, and whether or not they intend to - they will disappoint you.
I learned that the best thing for everybody involved was for me to expect God to watch over me. I had to trust that He would give me all I needed (and if I didn't get it, then I had to realize I must not really need it. I had to release people from my expectations of them. I learned to go to God with my problems and try to leave everyone else out of it. I learned some hard lessons and my heart broke in new ways, but I rejoice that growing in grace is a transformation that takes time and a God who loves us. Meanwhile, I try to recognize the many loving people in my life who do so very much out of the kindness of their hearts. They will fail me, just as I will fail them, but they will also get a lot of things right. It's best to concentrate on the good, letting go of the not so good, and remebering that things could always be worse..........

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