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Thursday, March 15, 2012

Autobiography - Five

My marriage of twenty three years ended in divorce when there was nothing left within me to try and pick up the pieces or put them back together. I remarried and moved to New York. I got a job with World Vision. I could still function well enough to hold down this job. God showed His mercy and love for me in many ways. Some days I would be very weak and shakey, not able to write without great effort. I would make my way to work regardless - wondering how I was going to do what I needed to do and invariably those would be the days when the phone wouldn't ring and there would be no assignment from my boss. God's loving presence was ever with me.

Once I was away with World Vision on a staff retreat. We had meetings scheduled for several days. On the first morning I ate beakfast with everyone, then when I rose to go to the first meeting, weakness and trembling set in so I knew I had to return to my room until I felt better. I lay on my bed trying to rise every twenty minutes or so but my strength had not returned. I was so frustrated. I was crying and praying, "Heavenly Father, You gave me this wonderful job, but I can't do it because You have allowed me to have this disease that You do not heal. What do you want me to do?

I saw these words flash across my mind like a neon sign: "Romans 12:1". I said, "OK, Lord. I don't know what that verse says, but I'll look it up". Here is what I read: "Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship."

It was with joy and sadness that I read those words. Joy, because God had heard me and He answered me. Sadness, because He was asking me to keep on enduring. I then asked Him one more question, "What would you have me do, Lord?" The answer came back, "Pray", and do I did.

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