Seeds

Merry Christmas!  I had a wonderful and quiet christmas this year.  I am very aware of the wonder and awe of celebrating the birth of my saviour - Jesus - in the city of David - Bethlehem.  He came to earth for me and you and took on the semblance of a man.  He is fully man and fully God.  I am now righteous because of His shed blood for me.  I proclaim my need for a saviour.  I claim the lives of my children for Jesus.

I awoke this morning at 3 and felt burdened to pray for my grandchildren and my children.  I am still wide awake and it's almost 5.  I would like to share with you, some thoughts on prayer for our children.  I believe God has shown me these things:

Don't get discouraged over what seems to be unanswered prayer for your precious children.  I have prayed for going on 35 yrs now for some of mine, and have seen no visible result.  When I took this to God and asked Him to help me pray for them, I believe He gave me this:  two words...........
seed germination.  

Perhaps you are like me in that you have sown many many seeds for Christ in your child's life.  You have taught them Who Jesus is,  You have seen that many of those seeds have sprouted and grown, but not all.  You have also made mistakes and sown some bad seed.  You may have lived a sinful life before them, giving them the example of quenching the Spirit and of sin and defeat.  This cannot change the fact that you have also sown good seed.

Many of those good seed did not germinate , and just like the farmer growing crops there seems to be no reason for this.  Both the seed that germinated and the seed that did not, got water, sun, weeding etc., but for some reason not all sprouted and grew.  Now is the time to pray to your heavenly Father that He would cause all of those seed to germinate now.  Remind Him that we sowed good seed, and now are praying for Him to cause growth.

It is our job to sow - and God's job to cause growth.

Heavenly Father, please bring forth the life that is still hiding within the good seeds we have sown.  You have told us that Your word does not go out and return void, but always accomplishes that for which it has gone out.

Think this over, and begin praying.  He is waiting to hear from you .  He loves your children .

A Parable Just in Time for the Holidays

A Story of Memories and Today
Just in Time for the Holidays




To no one in particular, I voiced this dirge – this melancholy refrain which burdened my heart and relentlessly tore at my soul:


“If there is any Good – any Love – or strength in Truth, come into my heart this morning. Fill me and wipe away all of the empty echoes of the past - where voices of children rang out, when we were all under one roof, when I was strong, and I knew which path to take - when I could fix what hurt, and a simple hug and kiss made it all better............ Come!”, I appealed to the sky above. “Come into my heart this morning. I am too tired to hope they will all come home - that there will be a day when all sadness has faded, and when mistakes are past - when wrongs are undone......... The scars seem as bad as fresh wounds. Hope is dim, and I have grown feeble. Will they ever come home? Some of the mistakes are mine, and some of the blame is mine, though I never meant for it to be so. From a broken woman worn out and consumed by what I cannot erase - I used to be sure that all would work out, that good would prevail, and that no one would be lost............ But here I am, calling them home, with no answer.......... I hear my own voice calling out for the children who are gone........... It seems so bitter now........... Even if they find their way, even if they WANTED to come home, how will the years that are gone, be made up for?


Is there such a thing as a second chance – or a third or fourth? I watched the chickens that were oblivious to my troubles, scratching around in their pen. I loved these birds that did not see beyond the worm just swallowed, or past the brief skirmish which revealed the pecking order. I gave them names. I had watched them hatch from their eggs and fight for freedom from the once safe shell that was a barrier to the world around. When the time came – somehow they knew when to engage in the struggle that was necessary for life. I knew I could not help in this process of birth. It had to be the chick who itself cracked the shell that bound them and broke away from the old to enter the new.


All they would ever know was the coop within the yard where they would spend their lives, enjoying the safety I had provided them. Brief battles between hens and one rooster.............. and he crowing his pride in all that was his.


I have always known that children are like chickens; living out the moment, not concerned with tomorrow. They enjoy the love of the mother hen who calls to her chicks when the shadow of the hawk overhead foretells something dreadful. They obediently run to her, snuggling in close beneath her wings until the danger has passed. The top hen calls out her victories over the lesser hens, and so their battles go.....


I am not a chicken, and my children are not chicks. And they are no longer within range of my voice. But old habits die hard. Forever linked with my kids, I sometimes sense danger and do sound the alarm even from a distance.


The yard is provided by me, as is the chicken coop. Their food is provided by me, and I oversee the relationships between them making sure there is harmony within.


As I am pondering all of this, I begin to imagine that I am perhaps more like a chicken than I think. Although my life has been painful at times and not at all easy, it has been a home for me. I have been protected from some things evil – much that is evil. And there have also been good things – uneventful things.


Twenty two years ago, I began to peck at my shell. Somehow I knew to hope for a better life – that it was time to leave one and enter another. I have broken down impossible walls and pierced through hard places so that I have glimpses of Goodness, Truth and Love.


My shell is Parkinson's Disease. In my battle against it, I must wage my war alone. I find my strength as I battle. I grow and get closer and closer to leaving the pieces and remnants of this shell behind. I know that on the other side of this broken shell, there is Love, Goodness and Truth. But in all honesty, I must admit that when the shell was whole, it too was good. Though I would not have chosen it, there was safety and room to grow – protection from what I was not ready to face.


PD has marked out the boundary lines around me and kept me within certain perameters, for reasons I do not know. But I don't have to know. Goodness, Love and Truth have protected me, and helped to shape me. My shell would not have suited you, nor yours mine. If you look and are willing to see, you will come to the same conclusion. That you are not alone, and you do have what you need to become who you were born to be. When it is the right time, you will break through the last and final piece of eggshell. Grow now where you have been planted. Don't struggle using up all your strength for battles that do not need to be fought. Trust the owner of the chicken coop! He is God, and He is Love. He does not give you an easy birth, but one that will take you from Hope to Love............

I Had a "Moment"

Last night I had a "moment".  I was just so sad............  The whole world is broken ,  I'm broken, you are broken, and those you know are broken.  This globe that we live on has been abused and taken for granted - unappreciated.

In my corner of the world, I see things that just make me despondent.  They are little things to be sure, but much loved, and missed when they are gone.  For instance, the stars..........  We live outside of our small city, and it's rather like country - or at least parts of it.  We used to be able to see the stars so much brighter than they are now.  When I slip out onto the back patio, after dark, where once the tree frogs and other night creatures. sang out, there is silence.  The still quiet of the night that comes from small populations, and the absence of convenience stores is even disappearing.  More and more I hear the rumble of loud engines as cars go by, in place of the lowing of the cow for her calf, or the packs of coyotes that run free.

My daughter is a bee keeper.  I've learned that bees are very docile workers who do really amazing things:  they dance in the hive when they find a good food source and they want to tell the others; they produce and share with us that wonderful food - honey.  They pollinate our flowers and vegetable gardens and without them we could grow no food.  But for some reason, bees are disappearing..... (http://www.motherearthnews.com/homesteading-and-livestock/the-importance-of-beekeeping-zbcz1402.aspx

A person with a disability will look at things differently  than someone who is strong and healthy.  We may be afraid to try new things, or stop doing old familiar things because we cannot depend on our bodies to respond to things in the needed way.

But I will move on from this sad moment.  I don't want to get stuck.  I can do little to change the world, but I can  decide how to live in my little corner..........  and you can too!

Is It Truth or is it Not?

I awoke this morning with a sense of well-being.  You wouldn't think that possible in this world and in this day.  Not only is this a dangerous and  hostile world, but I am disabled, and am a step behind everyone else.  It is getting worse every day, with new acts of violence and new calamities.  I don't have much of a chance at coming out of this in one piece and unharmed.  There are terrible things going on - it is rather like Pandora's box............  It is as if every bad possibility becomes reality.  What IS going on???

My beliefs are not approved or agreed with by the majority of people, and the rights I have always known and enjoyed are crumbling away faster than we can name them.  People around the world are being bullied and even killed for believing the way I do.  And it's not just death for a difference of opinion, but beheading - of children - by throngs of evil men who are led by evil rulers.

Why do I have a sense of well being?  Well it is not that I have faith in a particular outcome in this polluted world.  It is not that I think I will beat this world system.  It's certainly not that I believe man will triumph on the side of good, but I know Who I belong to.  I do know the general outcome of this world that the God of the Bible created, but that is not so much comfort in the moment - every moment.  I know Who I belong to.

If man has proved no other thing, than the fact that he is incapable of good, and in need of a Savior, then that is good.  Our best and most valient efforts have landed us in a world of terrorists with the doors of freedom closing and with no way out.  We need a deliverer.  I think we all  would agree about that.

Well, I know my Deliverer!  I know in whom I have trusted.  As I sit here trying to choose the right words that will convey to you who my Savior is, I am a bit frustrated.  There are no words which I know that will truthfully describe to you Who He is.

Perhaps this one quotation from the Bible will enter your awareness as you read these words, and work its way through your entire being, and become a part of you.  I pray that it does:

"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever  believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life."  John 3:16

Believe and embrace the Truth - be true to it - and it will set you free!  If you cannot tell whether or not you are embracing the real truth, then ask this question:  Does it set you free?  If not, then it is not the truth.

Joy and Trials

James 1:2-4

“Consider it all joy my brethren when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”

I read that the deeper meaning of the word “joy” is to be satisfied. I want to ask you if you are content or satisfied with your lot in life. James says that we should be. In fact, he says that when we encounter rough waters – when we encounter various trials – we are to meet those trials with contentment.

By definition “trials” are sufferings that put strength, patience or faith to the test.

James was talking to fellow BELIEVERS. That's US.

How can we rejoice or be content when we are suffering a trial of some sort? We are not glad to be unhappy – but we celebrate the fact that in the midst of painful, hurtful circumstances – God is there – with us – meeting our needs. The God of the universe has made Himself small enough that He has concerned Himself with and acquainted Himself with MY problems! It's not the problems that matter so much (the problems come and go) but with a sense of wonder I am transported far beyond my trial – and I “see” God holding me up, bending over me, attending me, expressing His tender love for me....

When I say that I 'see”it, it is through the lens of faith. I am believing that God is who He says He says He is and that He loves me the way He says He does. To do this I have to know what the Bible tells me about Him.

Do prepare now for the testing of your strength, faith, and patience by READING the Word. We must first KNOW the Word. Then we BELIEVE that Word. Then we ACT on the truth of that Word. It will feel bad at first. But push through that pain. There is joy unspeakable on the other side of that trial.

As I write this I am reminded of my childhood. Whenever I got sick, my mother would take care of me. She would take care of me. She would feed me delicious meals, medicate me, see that I rested in bed, freshen my sheets every day, and so on. I loved the attention. I didn't like being sick, but I loved the TLC. I think James is telling us this same thing: You don't have to like the trial, but rejoice in your heavenly Father's tender loving care over you.

The Power of Love

Thank You, heavenly Father, for sending Your Son to redeem me.  I can't figure out why You would want me, except that You love me.  You ARE love.
Love is not weak or polite, nor does it wink at sin.  Love is the power and creative genius that made the heavens and the earth and all the creatures in it.  Love not only lifts me up amidst the sorrow and the torment of things gone wrong, but it also crushes the counterfeit of good.  It will obliterate the hypocrisy of disease.
Love is tenacious in it's pursuit of us.  It never gives up as long as there is life and a chance of redemption.  Jesus set His face like a flint towards the cross, and did not shrink back.  At the time appointed, we will see that magnificant power under control.  That's what love is.  It does not cower before anyone, and is obedient only to theTtruth.  Love looks you in the eye and unfalteringly speaks the truth.
My truth today is PD doesn't control me, - like love gone wrong - It attacks me, and like a twisted piece of metal it is a mangled version of life.  But He Who is Truth and Love will prevail.  I will endure to the end of this life that evil has for the present claimed - until the coming of His great great kingdom and the unveiling of His Truth.

We Need a Saviour

People with PD need a Saviour (a Great Physician) !  We are broken and cannot fix ourselves.  We have tried diet, excercise, positive thinking, physical therapy, medicine and surgery, but we still have this affliction.  And it progresses.   This is also our  spiritual condition.  We are sinners.  Even if we figure our sins are minimal and we are not as bad as some others - the truth remains:  We are sinners.  Even if we lived a sinless life from our first moment of birth we would still be sinners in need of a Saviour.  Why?  Because every human being has a sin nature that we are born with.  We are tainted from the beginning.  It is just as impossible to get rid of sin and it's effects, as it would be to heal myself of PD.  We are utterly powerless.
As Believers, we have allowed Jesus Christ to pay for all our sin and then to cleanse us from every particle of it in our lives.
I have had a transforming and life-giving surgery that has gotten rid of many symptoms of this disease. This was arranged by God.  I have been "saved".  Spiritually speaking Jesus Christ has come as the Great Physician into my life and saved me from certain spiritual death.  Some people (many in fact) refuse this wonderful gift, (spiritually speaking) and stubbornly continue to refuse help as they weaken and lose their abilities.  That would be like me telling the neuro-surgeon:  thanks for your offer of a better life, but frankly I'm going to decline your offer to help me - to make life wonderful.  I'd rather die.
As Believers, we have accepted the Saviour's beautiful gift.  We could not have earned what it took to pay for all the sin in our lives, but He opened the Book of Accounts, and marked in the space beside my name - PAID IN FULL
DEBT CANCELED
PAID BY THE SAVIOUR
 Thank You, heavenly Father, for Your priceless gift!

I Have Learned What is Most Important

I'm sixty years old.  Sometimes I feel every bit of that plus more........and other times I feel what I'm guessing normal may feel like.  Of course having had this disease for over 20 years now, I don't guess I really know what normal feels like.  Whatever.  But what I want to say is that PD (monster that it is)  has taught me different values - better ones.  Before, I depended upon the temporal parts of me.  Like my youthful appearance, my size 2 body, the gift of grace on a  horse - the way I looked and the way I carried myself.  I also developed character and tried to always be kind and generous among other things, but now that I don't have that young face and body, or those graces, I have had to realize that skin deep isn't good enough.  I want to be good and strong, honest and faithful, loyal and loving.........  What I cannot do physically any more, is a temptation to insecurity.  There are no approving glances or admiration at my physical skills.  Instead I am clumsy and slow.
But, do you know - this is why I have learned what is most important.  It takes courage to face the world with less than everybody else has.  When you step outside your secret world, it forces you to call up the strength you never thought you had.  It encourages you to be forgiving and patient with others, because you know you are taxing on people at times.  You learn to reject embarassment over meaningless things like inability to use a fork correctly, or hold a tea cup without trembling.  These problems force me to grow past the things that I will leave behind when I leave this earth.
I will never love PD.  But I am a different person than before.  I am a better, deeper person.  I am less interested in SELF and far more interested in you.  Life with PD has called forth my best efforts and taught me to notice the little things, because I can't do what I once thought were the big things.
I hope that one day, I will meet you..........  I wonder what you think of life with PD, or just plain life...........  And I want to say, that it takes grace - and lots of it - to move through life with a broken body.  I think you must be beautiful..........and one day I hope I will meet you.

Shepherd King Part 9

The Shepherd King

Part 9

Hours later, aware that I was not alone, - I saw it, - but I wasn't sure if it saw me. The moon was full and cast deep shadows that were in stark contrast to to the bright light surrounding them. Into my line of vision came a creature like a wolf, that was jet black and shaggy with tangled fur and red eyes, as tall as a large pony. Upon its back sat a creature – I don't know what. It's teeth were long and sharp. It had a stench that reached my nostrils almost before I saw it.

Then in an instant I knew that it was aware of me. With eyes narrowing to slits, it threw back it's head and screamed a blood curdling warning to its companions who couldn't have been far behind it. Its steed was pulling at the reins, eager to pounce and the creature pulled out a sword and pointed it in my direction. I could hear the galloping monsters behind it nearing my line of vision. The first one began speaking evil words that though I did not understand them, made chills run up and down my spine. The words had harsh sounds and the voice that delivered them seemed to come from the depths of its cold heart.

I waited until it seemed the last one had rounded the bend, and I could wait no longer...... I called to the scorpions, commanding them to attack and kill these evil beings. They appeared to glide out from under the rocks in endless waves, covering all, stinging until there was no life left in those frightful bodies.

I was nearing Parkinson's Disease and the closer I got to it, the worse my wounds became. The town itself was set in a valley where bare rock could be seen, and shallow depressions of dirt were scattered at random as far as one could see. Only the spindly weeds were able to scratch out a life and draw some form of nourishment from the otherwise barren place.

An old woman approached me, with head down and bent over. Her voice was weak, so I had to strain to listen to what she said.

“You must be the new person. We have been expecting you.” Pointing to a dilapidated old shack (not unlike the other houses in the vicinity)she began shuffling towards it. This is where you will stay.” There was no mention of a departure time, and my heart sank as I drew nearer to it. I couldn't help but think of the differences between this scrappy lean-to and the wonderful safe houses where help had come to me in the past.

“Your assignment is to pray. All distractions have been taken away from you so that you can devote all of your time to prayer.”

“What will I pray about?” I asked.

“You will pray for our people (others who also pray) and you will pray them through hard places and to be protected from the dark ones. The Shepherd King will tell you as you go........”.

She turned and made her way to a large house where others were also going. She motioned for me to follow. When I entered this house, I saw that they were praying with one accord – one mind – one heart. I joined in with them, and so the days went. I also prayed much by myself. At last the day came when I could not even carry my backpack or walk without assistance. I cried out to the Shepherd King unceasingly. I wanted Him to heal me, and I knew that He could......... But I had never seen a person healed, so there was much turmoil within me. My heart was so sad......... I no longer knew

the joy of movement. I felt I was nearing death. I had served my time in the forces of the Shepherd King. On the last stretch of this journey, I wept tears of sadness, of loss of hope..........

One day during my quiet time of prayer, suddenly I heard a man's voice – a wonderful voice. Full of compassion and care, He lifted me in His arms. He was so strong. Together – in His strength – we crossed the threshold of the door leading outside, and He found a tree where He could prop me up. He knelt down before me, and swept my hair back from my face. He looked deeply into my eyes. There was wisdom and love on His face and even in His hands. Who WAS this man?

“Do you know who I am?” He asked. I confessed that I did not, though He seemed strangely familiar – as if I had known Him a long time. I am He who protected you from the fiery arrows in enemy attacks . I am the Healer of your wounds, and I carried you when you could not walk. I rescued you from the tangle of thorns. I am He of many names and I have billions of Messengers – some of whom have I sent to your aid. I am the Defeater of Demons, and the Scorpions and Snakes obey me. I am the author of the Book of Life and I have helped you to understand the wisdom contained within its pages. I sent my servants to share their food with you. I am the One with authority over giants and the one who shielded you from their attack. I am the lowly Shepherd King

who rules.  I am also the Giver of Gifts, and I have one for you.

It is many moons since then. But I remember it very well. It was not the kind of gift you can put in a box and wrap. It wasn't exactly the kind of gift that could be seen – at least not directly. There were no bright colors with shine-y paper foils, and no bows. It was spectacular all the same. It was wondrous yet has been passed over by men who could not see it's worth – men who did not dream – whose thoughts went no further than their eyes could see. Hidden treasure it was – pure gold – so pure – transparent like a bottomless crystal...... It was all new to me– never before imagined, yet it is older than the stars. Fluid - like sparkling water – definable yet eternal. It was not to be found in the window of a store or on someone's wish list. No one had ever dreamed how huge this tiny gift would be – how it would bring healing and guidance; how it would open eyes and ears.

Older than the stars, but new to me, He gave me a Word...........a new Word, that only I know). He has called me into a place of partial healing for now; and one day it will be complete. I wait with a holy anticipation. The Shepherd King has given me His Word that these things are true.

My Shepherd King has been here with me all the time . And, lo He always will be there.

The Shepherd King Part 8

The Shepherd King

Part 8

More and more of the time, I was depressed. My wounds had not healed and every movement had become an effort, draining my energy. I found a spot to rest on the road I traveled and sat with my little book to read of the wonderful things to come........ I read of miracles of healing and how the Shepherd King's mighty warriors crushed His evil enemies. I read of the things He believed in – how He stood for truth and how He loved His own. He would even fight for His people. I dreamnt of becoming a great warrior in His ranks. It gave me hope that I too would one day be healed and have the joy of effortless movement, of no pain and I would not be able to contain my joy! But for now it made me sad in some ways because the Shepherd King had not come yet.....not to me.

Were the Shepherd King's promises really for me? Does the Shepherd King still do miracles today? I was thinking on the wonderful words in His book, and totally absorbed in my thoughts: “O, Shepherd King, that You would rend the heavens when You hear our cries! That You would come down from Your wonderful palace and heal us! That the mountains might shake at Your longed-for presence – and as fire burns brushwood; like fire that causes water to boil – come and heal us! May the fire of Your love heal us. And then Your name will be known to all Your adversaries (like to the town of Parkinson's Disease) – that hell hole of a town - so they would be moved at Your presence!”

As if in answer to my thoughts, The ground began to rumble. Rocks started falling and trees fell over. If this could be put into words, I think it would be the Shepherd King's reply. I think He was saying that indeed He would one day come for me. And that He had never left me alone – though I couldn't see Him – and I was not to worry because He never would. And lastly, He seemed to say that I had a part in defeating the darkness, though I could not see it. I had purpose, and I was very precious to Him.

All was quiet – for a moment …. And then, I saw that when the rocks moved, it had disturbed a nest of scorpions. They were very large and very deadly. I could not move fast enough to get to a safe spot, and so they began to advance towards me with their tails curled up, ready to sting.

I could open my book though and my eye fell on this line: “I – the Shepherd King – have given you authority to tread on scorpions and snakes. You will command them, and they will obey.” Without thinking I held up my hand and said, “Stop!” They came to a stop! Then I commanded them to lie in wait for the wolves that had been tracking me, and to KILL THEM.

Night was coming on. With my back up against a wall, and a clear view of the path I had just come from, I waited.................... 

The Shepherd King Part 7

Shepherd King

Part 7

I couldn't dress the wounds and cuts and bruises the goblins had left me with, because I couldn't reach my back. I was learning though, to be content in whatever circumstance

I found myself. I found that what I thought I needed was not always what I really needed. I was becoming grateful for what I DID have.

One day, I came upon a village of giants. They were evil beings and were hardly able to get along with each other. They were dedicated to killing all who were in the service of the shepherd king. They had great physical strength, and that coupled with the attack on the mind made them unstoppable conquerors and soldiers of the fiercest kind. They were hideous.

I stuck to my narrow path and did not veer to the right or the left. I was spotted by some of these ungraceful and grotesque warriors. My heart nearly stopped as they began running towards me. I froze. But a funny thing happened. When they got close enough they reached out with swords and their large hands trying to take my head off, or pull me apart, and they found there was an invisible shield around me. I was sealed. They couldn't touch me.

I found my best weapon to be the Word of the Shepherd King – all in my book. These giants could easily have killed me (and on more than one occasion they did try). Indeed, I did not have the strength I had started out with. I was slow and clumsy. Passersby on the narrow road I was on, would stare at me, indicating with their eyes how useless and ugly they deemed me to be. Some laughed at me. The Shepherd King did not show Himself on these occasions, but He was there............... I knew He was there.

The hair on the back of my neck would raise up whenever one of these giants came near. I could feel their eyes when they were staring at me, but eventually the tables turned and THEY feared ME. I was so devoted to the Shepherd King that my light had grown brighter and brighter. They couldn't stand the light and would retreat whenever it would shine forth with sunbeams looking like golden ladders reaching from heaven to earth. I had almost no strength to fight with anymore, but I would read the words in my book that said, “I can do all things through the Shepherd King who strengthens me.” The book told me that the Shepherd King would fight for me, and that He would never leave me. It even told me that my life had purpose. I was not some kind of coincidental mishap that fate had raised up from the the random mixture of my ancestor's DNA.

And so I continued on my journey – a different person than when I started out.

The Shepherd King Part 6

The Shepherd King

Part 6

I set up camp in a clearing, so tired, and ready to rest. My ankle was pounding, but at least I was able to walk..........Dave had found a piece of wood – a stick – that served as a walking stick and he carved a hand hold in it. He left it with me.

He had cautioned me to be on the look out, as he had heard rumors of raiding bands that were from the town of Parkinson's Disease. I did try to stay awake, but the warm and comforting fire in front of me seemed to have a hypnotic effect as I stared into the flames that danced up and down with colors of white hot, glowing orange and cooler blue.

I don't know how long I had been asleep, but I dreamnt that goblins crept into my campsite, sniffing everything – picking up the few crumbs of dried bread that had been in my backpack. They crept around me first touching me with a toe, then prodding me with sticks. Soon they were viciously kicking me. Then the attack ended as suddenly as it had started, and they were gone.

Trembling, I lapsed into a dark and dreamless sleep, and awoke with questions..........Questions like, “How will it be possible to make it through this journey? It will be a miracle if it doesn't all kill me.” I was so lonely and though help had come at various times, I was alone at this moment. My heart cried out to the Shepherd King. “If You are with me, and if You care, help me! I am no match for my enemies. I don't even know how to fight them. I don't know anyone who has been this way and could offer me advice........... So, my Lord, help me to trust You, and open my ears up to You. I need to hear your voice. I have tried everything else...........but I am realizing that this is a journey I must take alone. Only You can be my companion. But most of the time, I can't see You and have no evidence of Your presence with me. I have no choice but to trust in You – that You mean what You say and Your promises are good. Please heal me, Lord. I have no way of knowing whether or not you will, but either way, help me to be brave, have courage and be able to believe in You in the face of everything that would seem to indicate that You are a lie. Help me to bear it all.”

A warm feeling and a calm with the absence of fear settled over me in answer to be cries.

I moved on and on with difficulty. Instead of my wounds healing, it was becoming more and more draining to walk and my progress was so impeded that I could not travel the way I used to. I was learning to be satisfied with smaller and smaller things......... I began really learning that it is not getting the job done – whatever it may be, but learning patience while trying to get there.   

The Shepherd King Part 5

The Shepherd King

Part 5

I held the pages in my hand and began to read..........

“There is a King of old. He has many different names. He has countless angels who do His bidding. He is Love, and guides His own in the ways of Truth. He is a Shepherd – a Good Shepherd. He leads His flocks of sheep from pasture to pasture. There are always valleys to traverse, and sometimes enemies on every side, but He is strong and good. And He protects His own. You must walk in His ways and accept all that He allows in your life – the good and the bad, for He knows best.

You may be tempted to turn from following Him – but don't. Trust me. In the end you will be glad. You must be an overcomer.

I put these pages in my book with the other instructions. I got back on the path and started walking. It was rather uneventful until I turned to look behind, thinking I heard something strange. I saw nothing out of the ordinary, but I took a step without looking and fell into a pit and felt a sharp pain in my ankle. The pit was deep enough that I couldn't get out. The sun was beginning to go down and I knew what that meant. I tried to stand but fell back, unable to put any weight on my injured ankle. I cried as I took in my situation.

It surely did feel like the King didn't care. “He's giving me more than I can handle.” I thought. And just when I thought I had reached my limit, I heard a sickening sound....... coming from the corner of the pit. It was a hisssss. Snakes! “What will I do now?”

I started calling for help frantically. Then I saw a welcome sight: a head peeking over the edge of the pit, looking down at me. “Haloooooooo down there. Are you hurt? I'll drop a rope down so that you can tie it around your waist and I'll pull you up. Name's Dave – short for David.” The rope was tied to the horn of the saddle that was on the horse that slowly backed up until I was out of the pit. Once I was safely back on the trail, I looked him over. An unlikely sight to see. He wore a cowboy hat and faded jeans with a belt buckle as big as his fist. With a bandana tied around his neck, he wore chaps that were fairly well broken in, and boots with spurs that jingled when he walked. But seeing that I couldn't walk on my ankle, he picked me up, carried me to the side of the road where quick as a wink he pushed on the knotty bump of a tree, a door opened,and here was another safehouse!

Inside he found a first aid kit and wrapped my ankle which was swelling. He opened his backpack, pulling out a piece of bread with cheese – and an apple and gave it to me. He wore a smile on his weathered face and his eyes were kind – like the shepherd.

“Where are you headed?” he asked.

“To the town of Parkinson's Disease.” I replied.

He shook his head and whistled through his teeth, then said, “I hear tell that's a mean town. It's so polluted that there's no tellin' how your body will react. Dangerous too. The people are poor and unhappy. There's not much they can do for themselves.“ I hope you don't catch nuthin' - like their disease.”

Since I couldn't walk he mounted his horse and pulled me up to sit behind him. The horse's gait was very smooth. I held onto the back of the saddle. Curious to know, I asked, “What is your horse's name?”

“Abraham.” he answered, because he'll be the first of many. I'm hoping to breed him to my mares back home and have a mess o colts with his superior confirmation and sweet disposition. He's smart too.”

“Say, I can take you a few miles closer to Parkinson's Disease but I can't go much farther.”

“That's so kind of you. Thank you for the kindness you have shown me.” I said. We headed on down the road. I thought that though on the one hand, he was not at all like the shepherd or the man who rescued me from those demons (was he an angel?), on the other hand they were the same..................

The Shepherd King Part 4

The Shepherd King

Part 4

The Shepherd King had planted hope in my heart, when I had commited to serve Him for the rest of my life. Fueled by the fires of faith, this hope glowed like a lantern within me. The glow that it made held back some enemies, but signaled others of my presence, and made me an easy target. Nevertheless, we were all to let our lights shine and not conceal them.

Night time was the worst. There were usually demons prowling about. On this night there was no moon, so though I should have searched for shelter, I instead pressed on, wanting to hurry through this difficult path that was laid out before me. Accidently I stepped into a patch of thorns. These brambles and bushes closed in around me, digging into my arms and face, cutting into my skin like needles. The more I struggled, the deeper they cut.

Drawn to the commotion, these black devils - one or two at a time - drew near. Eyes shining – a pale green – and drooling in anticipation of the kill, they drew so near that I could smell the scent of their abode clinging to their scaley and leathery black bodies – the unmistakeable odor of sulpher. Growling and screaming like a hyena, they drew nearer, leaving the sounds to echo behind them.

The thorns - giving off an herb with a paralyzing effect, began to incapacitate me, (though my terror was not dulled). With only moments left until they were upon me, I mustered all the strength I had left and called upon the Shepherd King in a loud voice.

Instantly there was a blinding flash of light, and in that tiny segment of time, demons were blown backwards, cursing and yelling. From the jumble of bodies they retreated back into the night.

A very tall, very large man – well built – with a kind face, brandishing a sword turned towards me and gently started pulling me loose from the thorns. I drifted into unconsciousness. When I awoke, I found myself in a hiding place, not unlike the first one where I had refreshed at the beginning of my journey.

I sat up looking around and saw only some pages atop the table. Curious, I crossed the small room, picked them up and began to read..........

In the Service of the Shepherd King Part 3

The Shepherd King

Part 3

I turned to see who was there with me, and I saw a man with curly dark hair and brown eyes. He smelled of the outdoors and looked muscular and strong. I knew he was a shepherd when I saw his staff. His robe was secured at the waist, and His sandals were old and worn. He was binding up my wounds and putting a healing oil on each one. This was the same oil that He would use on his lambs and sheep. It deterred flies and gave relief from their bites.

His hands – so gentle yet so strong inspired a great confidence in me. I was safe with Him, and I knew it. His eyes were kind but discerning.

“Who are You?”, I asked. He smiled as He said, “I am a shepherd. My flocks are grazing nearby. I was out hunting for a lost lamb.”

“Why are you so downcast?” he inquired.

I told him all, this time with the tears that come when someone kind and sympathetic asks what the matter is.

He listened to every word, then after a brief silence, he said, “Sooooooo, you are in the service of the Shepherd King. Some say that He is a hard master. And some say that He is not. But I have heard that any who wish to serve Him may. Does He require total commitment to His rules? I have heard some say that they have never felt so loved and protected as when they joined Him in the fight against the darkness.”

I answered with a smile.

“I should be going.” I said.

“Let me tell you a secret.” said the shepherd. “The world is filled with darkness and dangerous evil creatures of darkness. But remember that the darkness does not comprehend the light and the truth. Shine and do not hide. Shine and the darkness will flee. Draw near to the Shepherd King, and He will draw near to you!”

I turned to thank this kind shepherd. But he was gone. It was as if he had disappeared. Strangely I still felt his presence.

I went out and found that my shield had been repaired, but I never saw the shepherd do it. My enemies were gone – at least for now. So I started down the path to the town of Parkinson's Disease. I didn't particularly feel like it, but I sang a shepherd's song:

In God's green pastures

feeding by His cool waters lie;

soft in the evening walk my Lord and I

all the sheep of his pastures fare so wonderfully fine.

His sheep am I.

waters cool,

in the valley;

pastures green,

on the mountain;

in the evening

walk my Lord and I.

dark the night

in the valley;

rough the way

on the mountain ;

in the evening walk my Lord and I.

My heart was lifted up even though the way was tough and I had so far to go.

In the Service of the Shephard King - Part 2

Shepherd King

Part 2

The road I was to follow was set out straight before me, though it was narrow. There was no turning to the right or to the left. But very early in my life of battles, the road narrowed so much that I didn't think it was passable. It had pot holes and rocks with thorns, and from the thick forest of trees - overhanging branches. There were biting flies and gnats, and even snakes. I couldn't believe that this was the way, so I checked out a side road that seemed to have several alternate routes branching away from the main – all very broad and easily traveled. There were even signs that read “Greener Pastures”, “Easy Street”, “Name it and Claim it”, “Just Have Faith” and “Positive Thinking”.

I headed for the easy way, but just as I was to set my foot down, a gate that I had not noticed slammed shut and barred my entrance to every single side road. There was only one way to go.

I looked back at the narrow way, and then I saw it........ On the side of the road, there was a sign. It read: “Parkinson's Disease; 50 Miles”. This did not penetrate my brain at first. Surely I read it wrong. What good could possibly come from going through this dreadful town? I wasn't prepared for this. I decided to turn back and go the way I came to the shelter from which I had come, but at that moment there was an avalanche of gravel and rocks and boulders that I couldn't possible have gotten through. And so with a heavy heart, I sat on a large boulder, trying to calm my fears and quiet my mind.

My shield had been damaged by the falling rocks. It wasn't long before my enemies saw this also. Out of every bush and from behind every turn in the road, flaming arrows whizzed. They began to yell out lies to me: You cannot make it down this road to the end; The King could have stopped this from happening, so He must not love you or be powerful enough to provide another way. The King couldn't be real. He is cruel. You have broken his rules too many times and now you can't be forgiven. You did something terrible to deserve this. It's your own fault.  You don't have enough faith..........

I crumpled down onto the ground, unable to stand.

It was at that moment that someone shielded me from any further woundings from the arrows. He wrapped his body around me so that the arrows hit him instead of me. He lifted me up and carried me to the side of the road where there was a door I had not seen before. And he carried me in, shutting the door behind us.

In the Service of the Shepherd King

Part 1

The battle outside was raging. It's not as bad as it's going to get though. Things are going to escalate. These clashes with the enemy are precurser to the war. I am tired nevertheless, and feeling the need for rest and food, warmth and safety where it seems not to be found.

But our King and Lord – the Good Shepherd - has provided respite in the midst of all Hell breaking loose. He can be found everywhere. The desperate cry of His soldiers always reaches His ears, and brings them into the safety of hidden places – places that the enemy cannot see or find. They are caves perfectly camaflouged and nestled in between the rolling foothills. They are sheepfolds hidden in plain sight in the fields frequented by lowly shepherds - where the King lays His body across the only door. His soldiers are safe within those walls – for now.

I enter the cave and am welcomed by the sight and delicious smells of an early morning feast on a plain table in the center of the room. The room is dimly lit by a warm light emanating from the candles set upon the table. I do not see anyone else, but feel the presence of the Shepherd King's servants. I enjoy the fragrance of coffee freshly made and poured into the mug that warms my hands as they are cupped around it – steam rising....... My hunger is awakened at the sight and smell of bacon and eggs with buttered toast and jam. There is a bowl of luscious fruit in small bite sized pieces that nevertheless drip down my chin as I eat. There are fried potatoes and other delicacies. I eat my fill, and I am refreshed. But I am also sleepy. There is a warm bed in the corner of the room, inviting me to rest.......... I had scarcely pulled the warm blankets up, sinking deep into the feather bed, when sleep overtook me. I think I dreamnt of green pastures and still waters – crystal clear. There were valleys in my dreams but always the Shepherd King led me safely through them.

I slept until my body was strengthened and refreshed – maybe for days. My armor, had been taken from me and shined and polished until it gleamed. Again, I am conscious of the servants of the Shepherd King. They are silent but benevolent. I am helped by these silent giants as I take up my breastplate and shield; my shoes and helmet; my belt and my sword............ Once more the table is set with a wonderful array of food, and I eat. I can feel His warm presence. He quiets my heart and feeds my spirit. He has left a small book for me. In it, the King has left instructions for me. I am to go out while it is still dark. I am to have my sword in hand before I open the door and step out. His words fill my mind. My shield will deflect the arrows that burn. I am to sing praises to Him as I walk. Everywhere my voice can be heard, so goes His light and the enemy dare not approach!

The Day is Late

Today, I added many serious requests for prayer to our church's prayer list.  They are coming in faster and there are more of them, and they are of a more serious nature than even just a few years ago.     I am aghast at the suffering so many are going through.  If you have P.D, then I can say with assurance that you have suffered.  And guess what?  And after being born again, this qualifies you to be a servant in God's kingdom.  Your experiences are different than someone else's, but the pain is the same.

You have paid a high price in order to be able to minister to others who are in pain.  It's not what I set out to learn, but it's what I have learned.

We think of pain as bad and unproductive, but it doesn't have to be.  The good kind brings about good  changes.  I know that a major part of my ministry is praying for people, and with people.  I have had to learn that prayer doesn't always get you something, but get's you through something.  Never underestimate the power of a single prayer.

It's time to start praying seriously for one another.  While there is opportunity and while we can do this, we must do this!  Ask God to show you how to pray; ask Him what exactly He wants you to pray; ask Him to give you His mind and His heart; ask for His perfect results; and ask that He would change you through prayer.

It's not the prayer so much that matters (though that is important), but more important is WHO you are praying TO.  If you are praying in any other name than Jesus Christ, God's only Son, who  died for us and paid the penalty for our sins, then your prayers are worthless.

Some have spent their lives wasted on their own pleasures, with no goal, and have rejected God.  If that is you, then I pray God may open your eyes before it is too late and that you will repent.  There is coming a day when those who do not belong to Him will finally get their way.  They will forever be separated from God who has loved them so much.  There will be a final line of crossing over, and then the dye is cast; there will be no 2nd chance as we still have today.  It will be too late to change our minds.

If this is where you are headed, I hope that you have someone who is praying for you............

Prayer

I believe when we are so full of God's broken heart - when we are brimming full of gratitude to Him - when our need is desperate enough - when we have the tiniest sense of His infinite grace - then we pray.  It is what wells up in our hearts and overflows like the shepherd's cup.  It overshadows every other thing and it must be released to rush back to its source - El Elyon (the most high God) the great I AM.

Prayer never ceases where God is worshipped.

Prayer is like the waters that rush from the mountains to the sea.......carving new paths, changing shorelines, slowing to pool here and there - sustaining life or speeding up to dash the enemy to pieces......always moving back to the heart from which it was broken.

Be still before Him!  Know His heart!  Embrace all that He is.  Trust Him in high waters and low.  Pray His heart.

Like the spray from the waterfall that joyously flings itself over the edge - so should our prayers be - finding their way back His heart.

He is Risen!

He is RISEN!!!!  All praise and glory to the King Who defeated death!  He is our hope.  I am IN Him and He in me - safe and secure - never alone - always sufficient and more.........  I love my King and my Lord.  Because He has risen, I am risen....above all sin, above death, above disease and every power that would raise itself up in pride before Him.  He is the answer to every question.  Every bondage, every addiction, every wrong way established will have to stand before Him.  And when they do, they will be no more...........!
People with Parkinson's Disease need to hear good news.  And what better news could there be than the truth that Jesus Christ has been raised from the dead?

A Moment With God

Slowly consciousness dawns on me.  It's still dark.  Lord....  I'm here...............  We are silent .  Whatever may come today, give me the courage and strength I will need to live for You.   Lord, I remember each of my children to You this morning.  Please protect them.  Save them from whatever intends evil toward them.  Lord, what is my life without You?  There is no life without You.  Your Word is in my mind and in my heart, and I will speak Your Words to someone today, somewhere.  I'll wait for You to nudge me so that I'll know when.
A tear rolls down my cheek and a sound comes from my throat.  I love those children You gave me,  Father..  I don't want to be with You without them.  Everywhere I look there are lost and dying people who don't even know they are sick. I want to help.  But my words won't make any difference.  So lead me to speak Words of life - Your Words.
Your Word is my sword of the spirit...........my heart rises some as I think on how my Beloved loves me.  You know, Lord, You make me laugh.  That funny story we wrote together about Ellen yesterday made me laugh so hard, the tears were blinding me.
Help me keep a sharp mind would You?  I feel so bad when I think that I might become someone's job - someone's problem as I grow older.  I don't want to be a crazy old woman that can't remember things and spells all the words wrong.............  I still feel guilt and shame when I think of my impatience with my grandmother who lost a little more and more of herself each time I would see her.  I'm quiet, while this sinks into my mind.
You know, this really doesn't matter, but I want to feel pretty today.  I want to look like someone who loves you.  I'm quiet once again and in my mind I see You sitting next to me, listening and watching me.
C'mon, Lord.........I want some coffee.......You come too..........  And I'll listen while You fill me in on what the plan is today.................

My Valentine

On this day of love, where the standard gifts are candy in heart shaped boxes, flowers and cards with lots of pink and red, I want to talk about the true love of my life.  He is my heart's desire....  There is nothing "standard" about Him.
The first thing that drew me to Him, was the love He has for me:  crazy, intense, never-lessening love for me.  He is taken with me.  This love that He has for me, moves me....  It moves me to regret over the times I have failed to love Him; it fills my mind and heart with an ecstasy that makes me thirsty for more; it astounds me at the value of His gifts, for they cost Him dearly.  No, these gifts were never a last minute rush of hollow words and soon to be forgotten trinkets.  But they are gifts that were planned long before I was.  They are intensely personal and precious to me.
What did He give me?  My life.  He gave me life.  He redeemed me - bought me back from Death who had a tight grip on me.  He is the key that unlocked my frozen heart; He is the door between Life and Death; the portal into safety.
My heart lay in the cold, dark ice of death, but He did not leave me there!  Death's horrible fingers rightly held onto me, until He put me aside and off this altar - stepping onto the large platform - becoming the sacrifice that paid the dear price of my freedom forever .  He... the One who never sinned - became what I was, so I could be like Him.  He took my shame of a life lived for me, and gave me dignity and honor.

But it doesn't end there.  He makes my heart beat, He fills my lungs with with the breathe of praise.  I find Him beautiful.  He stirs up and wakes my love - it is in response to Him....

"The voice of my Beloved!  Behold He comes leaping upon the mountains, skipping upon the hills....   My beloved spoke, and said to me:  'Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away.  For lo the winter is past, the rain is over and gone.  The flowers appear on the earth; the time of singing has come,,,,"  (Song of Soloman 2:8,10-12)

"My beloved is mine and I am His."   (Song of Solomon 2:16)

If there are valentines that did not come on this day, forget your dissappointment.  Instead remember....  You will one day hear His voice calling out to you to rise up and come away.  Come, Lord Jesus!

Sharing the Help I Have Been Given

Everywhere I turn I'm hearing stories of sadness, loss and uncertainty.  I'll bet you are too.  It frustrates me that I really cannot DO anything about any of this.  But as I think on this, I realize that I have my own stories of sadness, loss and uncertainty.  I realize I have a well that is deep and ever enlarging from which I draw to cope with it all.  You do too.
It is both necessary and freeing to share the God given knowledge and wisdom I have accrued through the years of living in the storms of PD.  You and I know things about dealing with life's disappointments, that others do not possess.  And we must share discreetly and with all discernment and wisdom these roads and inlets of life and living.  We must help others who are not as deep into the journey as we ourselves are.  We must stand as beacons of light and hope to those who are lost and buffeted by the giant waves and deadly currents of PD.
I am reminded of a time long ago that a certain man named Jesus was awakened by his terrified disciples to ask him for help in the sudden storm that was threatening to take their boat under.  They  were overwhelmed with fear of the unknown, even though these waters were not unfamiliar.  In fear and frustration they cried out to Jesus, asking Him for help, but actually doubting His power to subdue these great winds and waves.
Sound familiar?  How many times has PD become a storm of epic proportions in your life, and all you could see was imminent destruction?   All you could do was cry out for help.........but doubting that it would ever come?
If you have lived very long with PD, I'm sure you have many stories that you could share - much wisdom and encouragement to impart to others who seem to be going down.......
Don't waste the gifts of wisdom and the bits of light that God has given you by not being thankful for them and sharing with others.
And remember Who it is that calms those terrifying storms.  Remember Who it is that keeps you alive and loves you.......and saves you.  Remember the name of Jesus.  Remember how He has taken the wind right out of the sails and cleared the storm in an instant.  There are people around you and in your life who need to know they are not without help.  Share with them what you know.